Subscribe to feed Latest Entries

I am a shopaholic and I don’t know how to stop...

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 18 September 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,

I am a shopaholic and I don’t know how to stop.  I love designer clothes and keep going on the internet and ordering items without any regard for how I am going to pay for them.  I just put everything on my credit card, and when that reaches its limit I apply for a different card.  Getting credit is so easy that up to now I haven’t even considered the implications of owing so much money.  My wardrobes are full.  I have boxes and bags of mostly unworn clothes all around my house, and yet I crave more. Having all those high quality items just waiting for me to wear them, makes me feel happy and successful, although actually I am quite lonely and just work as a doctor’s receptionist.

Lately I have been thinking about moving out of my rented accommodation and buying my own house, and I realise I may well not be able to get a mortgage. I am scared to add up the total of all my cards, but imagine it must be well over fifteen thousand pounds.

I would really appreciate any advice you could give me.

Patricia Marie says...

Firstly, I commend you for being honest with yourself by recognising your spending is spiralling out of control. The traits you display are typical of a person suffering from shopping addiction. Once you gain a better understanding of your behaviour, you will be in a better position to take control of your addiction. Shopaholics often have escalating debts, stopping at nothing until matters are taken out of their own hands.  Compulsive spending often results in not just serious financial issues, but marriage or relationship problems can occur, often leading to depression for the sufferer.  

Your spending has created the comfort you desire - filling a void in your life. While the underlying motive behind each compulsive shopper may be different, the euphoric feeling achieved when making purchases is universal. Just like chemical addiction, the addict experiences a sensation when making a purchase, likened to the rush of a drug, achieving a 'high feeling'.

As with other addictions, it is necessary to get to the root of the problem. Like yourself, often plagued by feelings of inadequacy and loneliness, shopaholics may also suffer low self-esteem. You clearly undermine the position you hold at your place of work, and to improve your self-worth you need to be aware of your positive attributes.

Depression as a result of taking shopping away is classed as withdrawal, a characteristic of every addiction. With all addiction treatment, honesty and acceptance about one's self is key. Taking responsibility of your declining financial situation would be a huge part of your recovery process in fighting this addiction. Confronting your creditors would be a good place to start as they could offer you a debt management plan. In addition, do visit your G.P, who can offer a health check and arrange some counselling where you would be able to explore the emotional issues causing your addictive behaviour, and assist you in moving forward to a more positive way of being.


Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

Juggling dads

Posted by Mum About Town
Mum About Town
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Tuesday, 16 September 2014
There’s something about chatting to dads which gives all of us mums some kind of perspective.  Less domestically competitive and certainly less emotional, a dad can make any parenting challenge feel more like a game. So when I was offered interviews with a couple of well-known dads about their work/life balance*, I literally leapt at the chance in the hope that I might pick up some parenting skills at the same time.

First up was James Cracknell.  Having survived a near fatal crash, the Olympic gold medalist probably finds looking after his three smalls a bit of a breeze.  We chatted about ‘those other dads’ at the school gates, home births and the possibility of pressure on the school sports field.

The other dad I met is one of my foodie heroes.  Jason Atherton is a Michelin star chef and, having reviewed ALL of his London restaurants, I was eager to know how he runs his empire whilst juggling being a super dad.

As it turned out, both dads were pretty honest.  Parenting (of course) isn’t a piece of cake nor a row in the park. But the bottom line is being present (both in person and without an iPhone).

*Thanks to Not On The High Street for setting up these interviews for me as part of the dadpreneur campaign.

How do I get my wife back?

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 11 September 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,

I am writing as I need some advice on a terrible decision I think I have made. I am a 45 year old man, I had a lovely life, an excellent job, comfortable home and three adorable children along with a doting wife. I met a younger lady and after some time I left everything for her. Six months on, the excitement of being with somebody new has worn off and the grass is definitely not greener on the other side. I have just ended the relationship with my new girlfriend and would do anything to have my old life back, but am so ashamed and embarrassed of what I have put my family through. My wife refuses to answer my calls, and ignores my texts. Her mother drops the children to me when they come to stay, so I don't even get to see her. My sister-in-law contacted me recently to tell me my wife still loves me, but at the same time despises me for what I have done to her and our children.

With your professional guidance I am hoping that I can fix this and my family. Any advice would be highly appreciated.

Patricia Marie says...

The decision to leave your wife and children for another woman would almost certainly have had a huge effect on your family, and you cannot expect everything to fall back into place just because things haven't worked out for you. Wanting your wife to conform to your wishes so soon after the hurt you have caused her would be unreasonable.

The commendable thing is that you have not only seen your errors, but have understood the consequences of your actions. However, you are going to have to do a lot of hard work to convince your wife. I would suggest you initially write her a letter of which she would be able to digest in her own time. Explain that you do not want to put any pressure on her at all, but would love to meet up to tell her in person how very sorry you are for the hurt you have caused.  You've learned a hard lesson, and hopefully you can give some consolation to your wife by accepting and owning your share of the blame, and most importantly, whatever the outcome, be able to continue a positive relationship with your children.

A huge concern and something you need to ask yourself is: why did you feel the need to walk away in the first place?  Clearly something wasn't right between you and your wife and this needs to be addressed before any thoughts of a reconciliation, otherwise, you could end up in the same situation as before. Perhaps before any life-changing decisions are made, you could both benefit from attending Relate (relate.org.uk) as having professional help would enable you to explore any issues that contributed to the breakdown of your relationship. And do remember, sometimes we search long and hard for something that we fail to realise we already have.


Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

1st, 2nd, 3rd

Posted by Nanny Knows Best
Nanny Knows Best
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 11 September 2014
"A new study reveals…” These words never fail to grab my attention to discover what learned minds are talking about.

I am both the first-born and a woman so according to the University of Essex, am “…more likely to succeed.”  My alumni includes Angela Merkel, Oprah Winfrey, Hilary Clinton and Beyonce.

We are more likely to be more ambitious and successful than our younger siblings who just happen to be Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Nelson Mandela, JFK, and Michael Jackson (technically the latter two were somewhere in the middle). Yes all men and yet, all successful, but so were/are Jane Austen, Barbara Walters, Jenifer Lopez and Madonna.

What is it about birth order scientists find fascinating enough to study and make bold statements about?

I guess the statistics demonstrate specific characteristics to warrant stereotypes like “…middle children tend to have high degrees of patience, perhaps because they spend so much of their time in childhood waiting their turn”, or “the youngest is often indulged, even spoilt,” says educational consultant, Katrin Schumann.

Is it money in the bank, number of friends on Facebook, or scoring an invite to Kensington Palace that’s the measure of success? Does a teacher’s salary score more points on the achievement scale than being the mum of four delightful children? My two younger sisters, the teacher and the mum (both somewhere in the middle birth order) could both argue their case and have you believe each is ambitious and successful.

What these studies do show is that parental attention makes children feel safer and loved. Spending time with your offspring may not be a guarantee for their success in life but it will hopefully bring joy and smiles and wonderful memories for all…and maybe save you money on therapists if you are so inclined.

I think tomorrow I will start my own study on how scientists come up with studies they feel worthy of their superior education and our valuable time to read them.

Royally sick

Posted by Mum About Town
Mum About Town
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 11 September 2014
Being sick is so dreadful.  I’m not referring to lying in bed nursing a slight temperature while sipping hot lemon and ginger tea, lazily flicking through a glossy fashion magazine.  No, the actual act of feeling sick, being sick and smelling of all that sick.

So right now my heart goes out to our Princess and her not-yet-swollen tum.

Actually my sympathy goes out to her all the more as there is only one thing much worse than puking.  It’s the fact that the ENTIRE world knows you are puking.

Pregnancies pre the 12-week threshold are notoriously kept under wrap but as the Duchess of Cambridge is toilet/bedridden, she has had, once again, to let the new baby secret out of the bag.

As far as I am concerned, morning sickness is just the beginning of that fallacy called pregnancy.  It certainly isn’t just confined to mornings as nausea can sweep over the whole day.  But this princess is suffering more than the common people’s morning sickness.  Her royal version is called Hyperemesis Gravidarum and, affecting around 15 per cent of all pregnancies, it can go as far as causing dehydration.

Either way, I don’t envy her at all.  My baby making days feel like another world ago and, while I’ve got an image in my head of the Duke holding back all that wonderful hair, I do hope she milks it enough to get though a stack of magazines and several tea runs.


Forgot your password?
Click to read our digital edition
Place-Classified-advert-336
TLR-advert-May2014-336

Daily tip from the lady archive

"BEAUTY may fade and riches be lost, but a sense of humour ripens with the years, and cannot be stolen. It remains a very real solace, and a talisman against the ills of life."

The Lady. The Invaluable Possession 2nd May, 1912
More vintage tips

Live-in Housekeeper in Southampton

A lovely family of 4 is looking for a live-in housekeeper. All main housekeeping duties including laundry and occasional cooking. 4 bedrooms house. The accommodation is a bedroom and a shared bathroom. 25-30 hours per week. Immediate start. Salary £250 npw

APPLY NOW

Win-Clothes-Sept19-336
Win-Laser-surgery-Sept12-336

Horoscopes

What the stars have in store for you this week.September 19 - 25

Capricorn Aquarius Pisces Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra Scorpio Sagittarius

Q: A recent survey has revealed the Top 10 things British women would love to do but are too scared. Have you done any of the following?

Sing in public / karaoke - 10.6%
Ask for a pay rise - 6.2%
Travel or holiday alone - 27.7%
Do a naked photo-shoot - 6.2%
Get a tattoo - 3.8%
Have a bikini wax - 4.9%
Get your hair cut very short - 10.6%
Ask someone out on a date - 3.8%
Quit your job - 19%
Have cosmetic surgery - 7.3%
The voting for this poll has ended on: 13 Jun 2014 - 09:12
Win-George-Michael-album-Sept12-336
Lady-directory-button-NEW

Sign up to receive our weekly newsletter

 


 
You are now being logged in using your Facebook credentials