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I'm having an affair with my best friend's husband

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 22 July 2016
Dear Patricia Marie,

I have done something unforgiveable and I feel so bad about it. I have been having an affair with my best friend's husband. It was me who instigated the affair, but he certainly didn't take much chasing.

It started in April and I want to finish it, but he is my soul mate. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but I can't stand the worry of my friend finding out. I know she would be devastated if she knew, but I just can't help myself. I have been on my own for a year or so, and the three of us sometimes go out together.

I love him very much. Should I just carry on seeing him and act like nothing is happening, or should I risk telling my friend and ruin our friendship?

Patricia Marie says...

Women do tend to believe they are in love when they have an affair. Men can be more opportunistic, but women need to feel more emotionally engaged - and that can be fatal. You say that this man is your soul mate, but the reality is what sort of man has an affair with his wife's best friend? If he means what he says about wanting to spend the rest of his life with you, why have you not already run off into the sunset together?

Many mistresses wait forever for their lovers to leave their wives, and when forever never comes, they are left heartbroken. How do you know you're not just a bit of escapism for him? It may not be the first time he's had an affair and promised his mistress the world. If your friend did find out about the affair, there's every chance your lover would go running back to his wife, and you'd be left with nothing. I urge you to find the strength to end this relationship before this situation becomes destructive. Consider shifting your energy into finding your very own man, rather than wasting your time on somebody else's. We can't help who we fall in love with, but everyone is worth more than being someone's mistress.

However, if you two are genuinely in love, then he should do the decent thing and tell his wife, who deserves to know her husband has cheated on her and her best friend has betrayed her. And you need to be sure he's worth it because you are set to lose your best friend forever.
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I am nervous about committing to any woman

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 15 July 2016
Dear Patricia Marie,

I am nervous about committing to any woman or even letting them get close to me. I have pushed away lots of women who have truly adored me. I don't want to end up a lonely old man. I am 46, physically fit, kind and loving and have a good job and fantastic family and friends. At university my girlfriend suddenly announced she was pregnant and left me. Later a friend told me that she had never been pregnant. Two years later I fell head over heels in love with another girl. We went on holiday and her ex-boyfriend turned up. I woke up one morning to hear them being intimate in our apartment. In 1994, I was working in Gambia and in love with an intelligent, beautiful woman, but we had to go our separate ways and she met someone else. I adore women and have no problem attracting them. I have had some wonderful relationships, but as soon as we get close I bring down the shutters and behave appallingly until the relationship breaks down. I have recently started dating an incredibly attractive woman, but she seems to be wanting too much too soon. She doesn't seem to understand I can't cope with commitment, yet, continues to put pressure on me. I don't want to break her heart, but am afraid of being hurt if we stay together.

Patricia Marie says...

Few things are as painful as wanting a loving partner, yet not being able to find one. Then, once we do meet who we were looking for, we sometimes begin to question the relationship, which is what you are doing. When we fall in love we can never be sure that person won't hurt us, because the very act of loving someone makes us vulnerable. The alternative though, could be a very lonely one. However, I am not suggesting you commit to the first woman who shows you an interest, and I do question if the woman you are currently dating has the understanding and empathy you need.

Take a moment to look at what you've accomplished so far in your life, and all the things you hold dear. They are a result of your commitment, intentions and actions. You made them happen, and you have the same power and ability to create the loving relationship you want. It is understandable that you are fearful of falling in love again after your past experiences. We all have inner barriers that are erected during our childhood, and we build even more with every unsuccessful relationship, in time often developing a fear of intimacy and deep emotional connection, and a sub consciousness need to feel in control and thereby protected.

It appears that although you suffer from loneliness, you cannot move away from this pattern, and are constantly working to mitigate future pain, by closing off to the women you are in a relationship with. When you next meet someone who you could consider as a life partner, explain about your past and your fear of commitment, and make it clear that you would like to change. If the woman really loves you and is right for you, she will understand and try to help. If not, do what we all have to do when we take a risk and it doesn't go our way; take a deep breath, dust yourself down, and start all over again.
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Hampton Court In Full Bloom

Posted by Young Ladies About Town
Young Ladies About Town
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on Thursday, 14 July 2016
ylat-1This week Annette Kellow enjoyed the delights of the Hampton Court Flower Show...

Flower beds, a box of plasters and the longest ever queue for fish and chips- must be that time of year again! I had never visited Hampton Court Palace Flower Show so when my invite popped through the letter box, how could I refuse?

Set against the backdrop of the river Thames and the statuesque palace, the show includes a mini Eden butterfly centre, rose gardens and live entertainment.

Indeed the flower show was ablaze with beautiful blooms, mouth-watering handmade picnics (why do mine never look like that?) and pimms o'clock hit at the convenient hour of midday.

The water fountains were also pretty impressive and you could see why many people had brought their own picnic to sit by the lake and while away the sunny afternoon.

One of the funniest things about the show were the many displays of flowers that you could look at but strictly not touch as they were heavily guarded!

I tried to sweet talk a lovely young chap who was watering some Tandolgnila's to let me have a picture taken in the garden but he was having none of my best convincing skills.

Indeed they were wondrous in their colours, types and tongue-twister names whilst Emilia Fox even had a Sweet pea aptly named after her following her visit.

The band stand, stripy deck chairs and vintage chip van were my favourite part of the day as you could sit in the middle of the flowers and enjoy the entertainment. It was also handy for my feet as I had decided to wear heels (which of course when I saw all the grass realised was entirely unsuitable!)

Katya Wildman of Bombshell, who was showcasing her feminine designs, saved the day and looked after me. She brought me a refreshing glass of lemonade and a brochure so I wouldn't keep getting lost and saved my feet even more!

Luckily it was a bright day full of sun, delicious food and conveniently close to the train so my sore tootsies could rest even more on the way home.
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I am such a bad mother

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 08 July 2016
I feel I am such a bad mother to my two children, aged 13 and 16 and I hate myself for it, because I do love them.

The problem is I have an extremely volatile temperament. Sometimes I am really happy and none of life's trials and tribulations get me down, but at other times I have such anger inside me for everyone and everything, and absolutely no patience. At these times I am totally unreasonable and can shout and cry. I feel so alone, and that everything in my world is black, and that I am totally worthless.

When I feel calm again, I can't even understand what set me off, and it actually frightens me that I seem to have no control over my emotions.

My children must be so confused and obviously it upsets them, as the same action from them can bring such differing reactions in me, depending on my mood.

Is there anything you can suggest to help me, as I know I can't keep on like this.

Thank you.

Patricia Marie says...

Your mood swings, low self-esteem and intolerance of others are engulfing you, making it hard for you to function, as well as interfering with your ability to enjoy life. These are symptoms of depression that I believe you may be suffering. If so, there is no need to be fearful, as this is treatable. Many associate the word Depression with crying and sadness, not anger, which is why often this illness remains undetected. Your feelings of hopelessness and helplessness are contributing to your aggressive behaviour, which in turn is affecting the way you are treating your partner and friends, and the way you inconsistently discipline and react to your children.

Whilst your depression remains untreated, this anger becomes a way of life. As parents we are our children's role models. If children see their parents explode at the slightest thing, they will think that is a normal reaction, and that it's acceptable for them to behave in this way. Try not to be so hard on yourself though. You are not a bad mother. In fact, by expressing your concerns, you are acting responsibly and courageously by admitting you have a problem.

Isolation fuels depression, therefore, for the sake of both your family and yourself, I urge you to reach out for the help you so desperately need. The simple act of talking to close friends or family about the way you feel can be a great comfort. Is there someone you can trust, who will listen to you without judgement?

You need to seek professional help too. Your GP could discuss medication with you to treat your depression, and could refer you for counselling to help you better understand what triggers your anger, and how to lift and stabilise your mood.

Request some blood tests for iron and folic acid deficiency too, as the lack of these essential nutrients could affect your nervous system, and cause extreme tiredness.

Regular exercise can be very effective in countering the effects of depression, although understandably, you may not feel like it at first. Changing your diet may also be beneficial, as certain foods can adversely affect your mood, such as sugar, coffee, refined carbohydrates, processed foods and alcohol.

With time, you should feel better, especially if you get the support you deserve, which will hopefully lift the veil of depression, so you can enjoy life again, and, most importantly, your children.
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Heaven in a Bite: Biscuiteers

Posted by Young Ladies About Town
Young Ladies About Town
Fiona Hicks has not set their biography yet
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on Thursday, 07 July 2016
Our Young Lady About Town Annette Kellow finds that the perfect biscuits make for the ultimate teatime treat...

Drinking tea and eating biscuits is a treat at anytime of the day. For those with an innate sense of ceremony it's a perfect diversion, which harks back to the early 18th century. So imagine my delight when I discovered a unique biscuit shop with a modern twist who know how to execute this quintessential English past time; Biscuiteers on Kensington Park Road.

From the outside it looks like a quaint picture of vintage elegance, their windows displaying intricately iced biscuits (my mouth instantly started watering) and inside there were more delights of biscuit collections, an icing school, cafe and bespoke service.


Although Biscuiteers is based on old-fashioned techniques and traditional hand baking, they keep up with current culture by collaborating with brands such as Mulberry, Boden, Burberry, Harvey Nichols and Fortnum's and Mason.

After taking a rather long time to decide which biscuits took my fancy (I admit I wanted to eat them all) I decided on pink cups and promptly ordered the biggest pot of tea ever!


My friend and I decided to sit on the tables outside and admire the Notting Hill view whilst I was delighted to find that they are doggy friendly (always a winner in my book). They kindly treated my Yorkshire terrier, Dorothy, to some homemade biscuits that they assured me are made of natural ingredients and people can eat them too.
I decided to let Dorothy have a go and she quickly wolfed them all down leaving none for me!

After our tea and a long chinwag I decided to purchase some biscuits to take home. I particularly loved the dad's fry up tin and the queen's 90th collection, which I scooped up as presents. I also bought some Beatrix Potter limited edition rabbits as another present... to myself!


The lovely shop assistant told me all about their icing school which is currently available for adults and children but apparently adults turn into children when they attend! She also informed me that brides can design their own flavoured biscuits for their wedding and they make cocktail toppers, cupcakes and macarons. As I left happily clutching my bag en route home two roads away, all I could think was how am I going to walk past without buying more? #biscuitaddict  
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