The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 10 August

Monday

I left for my annual holiday today, just in time for the heatwave to turn into sheeting rain. Thank cripes that I brought a life jacket because by the time we got to Cornwall I could have drowned in the puddles. Oh well, the girls at the office did warn me that howling wind and rain is a must for the classic English family holiday..

Tuesday

I went on a date today with Parker, one of my would-be suitors. We’ve been exchanging billet-doux for a couple of months and finally arranged to meet at his uncle Alexander’s pub, The Ferry Boat Inn on the Helford River – he’d reserved an outside table in the shade with a view of the water. He brought his lovely human friend, Susie Holdsworth Hunt, along with some hand-baked biscuits and a squeaky toy as a gift. Omg, as the young people say – he is SO PERFECT. But for now, we’ve agreed to keep our relationship a secret!

Wednesday

This morning I went out sailing and had huge fun. The best bit was when I jumped off the boat and lots of people sitting on the beach started squealing: ‘Help Him, Help Him!’ Purleese. I am obviously a lady doggie. Anyway, they needn’t have worried because I was wearing my life jacket. Okay, I did want to test it out, but at least I’m not a weed like Duffle, who hasn’t even got his legs wet yet.

 

Thursday

With all the excitement of yesterday, it was agreed that we would go out for a little mooch around the sights. This included following a pirate trail, which apparently the young children really love. Well, I can’t say it was that exciting, but at least I didn’t get stung in the mouth like our friend Big Steve who swallowed a wasp along with his lunch. Doesn’t he know you need to check your bowl for flying invaders?

Friday

The editor left me in Cornwall today to go and visit some friends in Dorset, she told me. What am I, then? One of these new ‘friends’ was a staffy called lady Hester Stanhope, named after a grand 19th-century socialite who spent a lot of time living a wildlife and smoking a hookah. Hardly what I’d call a lady!

See you next week 

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