The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 13 June

Monday

Today was very exciting because I was fitted for my very own lifejacket. oh yes, I am to be allowed to go out on the open waves and join Duffle on the brow of a boat. As everybody knows, I’ve been practising my best Kate Winslet. The boat, or yacht as I think it’s called, is going to take me down the Helford River and round to Frenchman’s creek where I can lounge around and read Daphne du maurier. or maybe I’ll just play at jumping overboard. Yippee!

Tuesday

Today a book came to the office that has made me weep a little. I know, I am supposed to be a hardened newshound but the stories from The Dog Rescuers are all so moving and the writer RSPCA Inspector Anthony Joynes is a hero. He works tirelessly across merseyside to stop animal cruelty. Well done Inspector Joynes. come for tea with us soon – you can definitely have coffee cake!

Wednesday

It has been said, often actually (ahem), that I am small and cute, but I am the size of a mountain compared with milly the chihuahua from Florida, or miracle milly as she is called. Even fully grown, she is only 3.8 inches tall and weighs just over a pound – about the size of a large apple. omG, as the young people say. Scientists are so fascinated by her that she has been cloned 49 times, making her a two-time record breaker – she is already holding the Guinness World Record for Smallest living Dog. When she was little she could curl up inside the head of a teaspoon and had to be fed by her human friend, Vanessa, every two hours using an eye dropper. All the 49 clones are genetically identical, but does this mean that they all get along?

Thursday

I was asked today if I was interested in doing a charity bungie jump. I know that some dogs fly, like Krypto the flying comic hero or muttley in the Wacky Races when his car would suddenly take off, but seriously. Who would pay to see me throw myself off a cliff attached to a length of rubber? Don’t answer that!

Friday

Oh dear, poor little Sapphire, a seven-month-old Staffordshire Bull Terrier puppy from Stoke-on-Trent got into terrible trouble at a BBQ when she stole a chicken bone from the leftovers and had to have emergency surgery. She was saved by lovely Kate cavanagh at the PDSA’s Stoke Pet Hospital but Pat says we doggies have to be aware. ‘Bones can be dangerous, particularly cooked chicken bones.’ And tasty food like ribs, corn on the cob and chicken drumsticks can be fatal if they go down the wrong way. I do feel bad writing this as I know it means lots of my friends won’t be getting treats this weekend, but, better to be safe than sorry...

See you next week Instagram @missdarcybustle

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