The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 16 February

written by Miss Darcy Bustle 

Monday

I knew that cats were ridiculous but I had no idea how vain they were until I saw some pictures on the internet, and also a new coffee table book, showing cats in wigs. Yes! Cats wearing specially made wigs. Apparently, there are a lot of cats out there who aren’t happy in their own fur and want to do something about it. Good grief. You’d never see any self-respecting dog wearing something quite so ridiculous. Although saying that, Duffle is looking a little thin on top…

Tuesday

I have been secretly looking through holiday brochures, then tearing bits out and leaving them around the office in the hope that I might be sent off on a ‘foreign assignment’. So far, no luck. How does a small-legged German sausage with no experience of international relations get into the heady world of travel reporting?

Wednesday

It’s been so cold that Melonie, our staff writer, has taken pity on me and bought me a new jumper. My lovely hand-knitted wool ones from Kath downstairs have all been eaten by the moths. Keeping warm when your legs are only two inches off the pavement is no joke, believe me. I need boots, really, but where are the shops for mini feet? I despair.

Thursday

One way to keep warm is to lay on top of another dog – it’s worth trying if you don’t mind getting covered in fur. But the best way is to lie on Andrea's lap, tucked up under her desk. Ooooh! She’s super-cosy and toasty. I’m not sure if she’d be prepared to let other members of staff snuggle up on her like that, though. And I’ve noticed nobody else has asked her. I wonder why? I also know that she keeps rather tasty treats tucked away in her drawer, which are supposed to be a secret. I’m not really allowed treats as everyone knows but Andrea always says ‘sausages to that rule’.

Friday

Next week, I’m going to Hastings for a mini break. We have to take Lulu Guinness as well as she gets lonely at home and isn’t content with Andrew next door popping in, apparently. For someone who spends most her time terrorising small mammals (including me) that cat is super- sensitive. I hope the seagulls don’t try and swoop down and lift me off the beach again when I’m having a frolic. That’s just too scary!!

See you next week! Instagram @missdarcybustle

 

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