The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 23 March

Monday

Oh dear, I am in the dog house over what is now being called ‘the doughnut disaster’. This weekend was supposed to be my birthday celebration and I had been promised a cake made of Bonios and chocolate (I made that bit up, I know I can’t have chocolate!). Several friends were coming, including the new doggy from up the street that doesn’t really seem to like me. But everything was cancelled after I was a naughty girl and ate five whole ring doughnuts. Yes, five. I couldn’t help myself, they were just sitting there, unguarded, in the shopping bag. Afterwards, my belly was so big my feet couldn’t touch the floor and the sugar made me feel so potty I barked madly at the television for most of Countryfile. I have promised I will never do it again, but we all know that’s a fib.

Tuesday

Someone who has probably never stolen doughnuts and/ or chocolate is Finn, the police dog who was awarded the George cross last week for bravery and devotion to duty. He sustained near- fatal stab wounds when he and his handler, PC Dave, went to tackle some burglars. I think I am brave – I always bark at the door – but that really takes the doggy biscuit. I wonder if Finn might be interested in going out on a date?

Wednesday

A lovely reader called Caroline sent me a stuffed version of myself as a birthday present but I am still not allowed to have any presents after Doughnutgate. But I have noticed this little one is now sitting on the chaise longue in the editor’s office. Have I been replaced? Can that happen? She is called Sweetie Poo, apparently. What a ridiculous name. And ‘not being funny’, as Melonie would say, but have they not noticed that she will never be able to write this column? To start with, her toes are knitted together.

Thursday

I know I can never have one, but ever since I saw the amazing pictures of ‘doggy dream homes’ on show at St Pancras station, I have been pining to go and take a peek. They look incredible and are designed by a collection of architects, artists, celebrities and designers for the animal charity, Blue Cross. They are hoping to raise more than a £1 million for their re-homing centre in Hertfordshire by auctioning them off at the end of April. OMG, as the young people say. Imagine living in one of those? This week we have lots of stories about how we can help animal charities. I am hoping that I can make up for my bad behaviour by doing some good and giving away my pocket money to help them.

Friday

The treat ban was unofficially lifted by Andrea this morning who gave me a bone, I have never been so happy. But I fear there could be trouble ahead…

See you next week 

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