The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 24 August

Monday

I am still reeling from the indignity of being told that Toby the Pug was appointed as our deputy picture editor while I was away on holiday. What a nuisance he is. I’m not saying he’s not very nice, but I’m amazed that anyone is taking his ideas seriously. I mean, how do they even understand a word he is saying when he just snorts the whole time? And he never seems to come in. So far I haven’t even met him, although I can see he’s had a rummage around in my special toy box. Cheeky monkey!

Tuesday

Groan… the editor says I have to stop being ‘jelly belly’ (her words for jealous) about other four-legged members of the team. What does she mean? I think it might have something to do with my loud groaning this morning about Charlie Chaplin. He’s a chinchilla who lives with lovely Jayne, one of our sub-editors, and can’t be left alone in the house if it gets too hot – surely they come from hot countries originally? So, if the temperature dial goes above 25, Jayne has to stay home from work and give him a cold bath. Purleese.

Wednesday

This week, two English Springer Spaniels were given a PDSA commendation as support dogs for providing years of comfort to their human friend Kerry Irving from Keswick. Their help enabled him to overcome chronic depression and pain after a car accident. Max and Paddy have become such heroes that they now have over 70,000 Facebook fans. Springers really are clever.

 

Thursday

I am feeling really wistful about my days on the open seas. In fact, I am considering joining a crew to sail around the world. And why not? Flicking through my holiday snaps, I have the look of someone who has sturdy sea legs. I could even make captain or admiral. I mean, look at Napoleon, he was tiny. Oh yes, the fact that I am a girl doesn’t matter either. Lots of girls have circumnavigated the world. Ellen MacArthur, for one – and she was tiny. And then there wasLauraa Dekker, who was only 16 years old when she got going. Oh yes, Miss Darcy Bustle returning to port to the cheers of the crowds having battled against 60ft waves. I can see it now. I’m going to start practising my signature for the autographs.

Friday

Someone has passed me a cutting with a story about doggies that have a ‘small dog’ complex. Outrageous. Apparently, smaller dogs feel the need to mark their territory more often than bigger ones because they think they have to metaphorically shout their name around the neighbourhood. I don’t think that applies to dogs with their own columns!

See you next week 

Instagram @missdarcybustle

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