The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 26 May

The Lady's office dog tells all
There isn’t much I like better than a run around the local park, biting Duffle’s back leg but recently he has become a little grumpy. He is eight years old now and in doggy terms that makes him really quite middle-aged. Not that I am ageist. Thankfully, there is a new boy in town, Gus, a three-month-old English Bull Terrier who seems very keen on getting to know me. I know he’s not to everyone’s taste, but I think he is rather handsome.

I have been reading a 19-point tips guide on dachshunds’ behaviour. It includes things like: ‘If there’s a spare body part, they sit on it.’ This is true. ‘They give the word stubborn a new definition.’ What do they mean ? Stubborn, me? ‘There is always the word “selective” in front of “listening.”’ This is a bit of a cheek. Sometimes I don’t hear people because I have decided to look the other way.

Screen-Shot-2017-05-22-at-19.10.09Please come back
This morning, I had to have a bath and make myself smell nice. Or nicer as I like to think of it – who doesn’t like the smell of little doggy? I was given some special doggy perfume from the pet shop, which I sprayed on after the bath – after the recent incident with the talcum powder, I had to change my regime. The reason for all this fuss? I am going to a party. Not just any party, but a party for a friend of the editor’s birthday. I am being invited to make friends with Chardonnay, the chihuahua, who has never actually touched the floor and who has a different coloured bow for each day of the week. I am not wearing a bow – I don’t want to appear competitive.

The party didn’t go that well for me last night and I don’t really think I will be invited back anytime soon. Chardonnay (I think her name is supposed to ironic) just didn’t like me. She refused to speak to me all evening and literally threw all her toys out of her basket to get attention – it worked and she was instantly picked up and fussed. Purleeese. As for all the compliments that I got, is it really my fault that dachshunds are so gorgeous?

The search is still on for Blake the collie and Bella the lamb who went missing earlier this month. The search parties haven’t given up all hope and have been holding BBQs in the woods to see if they might smell the food and come looking for some supper – although I am not sure the lamb will want to eat a burnt burger. Phillip Schofield on this morning has offered a £1,000 reward and that has encouraged more people to go looking for them. I do hope they are found soon, but what if they don’t want to be found?

See you next week! Instagram @missdarcybustle