The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 29 June

Monday

Lyra the Labrador from Poole has written to say that we shouldn’t worry about French Bulldogs overtaking Labradors as the nation’s favourite dog because after Brexit they may well have to get special clearance from the Home Office to remain in the country. Cheeky. According to Lyra, her ancient ancestors came from Newfoundland to Poole, Dorset, many years ago. They were then renamed labradors and bred in Dorset by the Earl of Malmesbury. This made them very posh indeed. So, I think it’s fair to assume that Lyra doesn’t like French Bulldogs!

Tuesday

I have such short hair I don’t really need a haircut but it is true that I do shed a bit of hair and that can be rather annoying. If even a tiny bit of hair gets left on The Lady chaise longue, someone has to get the Sellotape out – the best for lifting off dog hair from soft furnishings, apparently. Melanie and Capucine said what I needed to get rid of any loose winter hairs was a good combing over with the Furminator. What is that, I wanted to know, but didn’t have the chance to ask before they were raking along my back with this little device. I have to say, it was lovely – rather like having a massage with scratching. Readers might want to try it – but probably not on themselves.

Wednesday

The hot weather is making my paw pads very dry and the pavements are getting so hot they actually seem to be burning them. I know that a lot of my friends think I ‘don’t do pavements’, but I do actually, thank you very much. Well, I do if I can’t get anyone to give me a lift or carry me, obviously. The concrete is so hard and I do worry that my legs will just end up shortened, and I can hardly afford to lose any more length. Anyway, I was told by my friend Lucia, a Dalmatian, that I should rub cream into my feet to stop the pads from drying up. I tried it last night but I think I was a bit too enthusiastic with the cream and lost all gripping power, ending up sliding across the kitchen floor and banging my head on the cooker. No more cream for me.

 

Thursday

The hot weather also brings lots of people onto the streets, including musicians and performers. Some of the nicest ones have dogs, and today I spied a potential new friend sitting out in Covent Garden Piazza. I don’t know her name, as her human friend was playing so loudly we couldn’t talk and she isn’t allowed to move as she has an important job defending the bags. Hopefully they will be back next week and she will be allowed a break. Surely all little dogs deserve a break now and again?

Friday

Last night I was very naughty and ate a whole jumbo-sized bag of Quavers. OMG, as the young people say, are they the tastiest things in the whole universe?

See you next week 

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