The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 6 April

The Lady’s lovable office dog tells all..


While I was off for Easter, a new world record was set for the number of dachshunds gathered in a single place, when 601 arrived on the beach at Perranporth in Cornwall. Why wasn’t I there? I will be there in July, however, for my date with Parker, my prospective beau who lives at the Ferryboat Inn on the Helford – I do hope he hasn’t forgotten. With my help we could get the numbers to 602. And if Parker jumped on board, so to speak, we could get to 603! 


An email arrived from Lyra the labrador in Dorset to say that, unlike me, she has never eaten five doughnuts, but she did once eat all of Simon the cat’s dinner. Oh, dear. He was not pleased, apparently. She also had a friend called Mickey, the miniature wire-haired dachshund who once stole a whole packet of sausages from a shopping basket and ate them all. Including the packaging! Crikey, and
I thought I was bad. Rather unhelpfully, Lyra then lectured me about my waistline – admittedly it was huge after doughnutgate. ‘Now that you’re aged two and hoping to attract a boyfriend, you may need to pay attention to your figure,’ she said. ‘Overweight is not an option, lookswise or healthwise.’ Well, thank you, Lyra.


How many times have I been to the emergency vets now? Umm, well, three times if you include last week, when I ate the remains of an Easter egg that someone had left unguarded for a few seconds. The vet says I have a problem and I think he might have a point. But I just can’t help myself. I need help. Maybe I should go and see Billington, the miniature dachshund who lives with Paul A Young, the famous chocolatier. They have a shop near our house in London. How does he resist all those smells? Maybe he has had aversion therapy. Or maybe he’s not a little piggy. 


A very serious note came to the office today, reminding us dogs to be careful when out on muddy areas after a rise in the number of cases of Alabama rot disease. Symptoms include sickness, diarrhoea and lethargy. Last year there were 40 recorded cases and this year so far there have been 29. Sadly it can be fatal, so it’s really important to get to the vets as soon as you can. 


I thought that little German dogs were fearless in their pursuit of new friends, but I think the award for outstanding behaviour for attempting to meet new people has to go to George the chihuahua for trying to say hello to a Tyrannosaurus Rex at Jurassic Kingdom in Edinburgh. What were you thinking, George? Do you need glasses?