The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 8 December


Besides worrying endlessly about whether I will ever get anything nice to wear for any of the christmas parties – so far, no frocks – I have also renewed my search for my very own Mr Darcy and had been keeping a keen eye out for billets-doux. Today, as they say, was a red letter day. A very detailed note arrived from a pug called Sneeze. He is eight-and-a-half years old, which is considerably older than me, but then so was the real Mr Darcy when he wooed the young Elizabeth Bennet. He lives in Kensington – a very good start – and is extremely well travelled. According to his note, he has visited nine countries and is on his second pet passport. He has sent me a photograph of him sitting on his friend Edward’s lap at the top of the Klein Matterhorn in Zermatt. How glam is that? Duffle doesn’t think it is glam at all but he is just jealous. Despite our age difference, we do have quite a lot of things in common. He doesn’t like going for walks in the rain – ditto. Nor does he like puddles – when you have legs as short as ours even a small one can seem like trying to cross lake Garda. He says he really dislikes having his face wiped with Johnson’s baby wipes – and why wouldn’t you? He already has a miniature dachshund ‘friend’ called Toffee who has encouraged his admiration for us small German types. He likes the way we wag our tails vigorously but he needs to be honest; he says he’s not so keen on the way dachshunds will climb on top of him to get nearer to the human when sitting on their lap. Umm. I must say I do that, but perhaps he won’t mind when we meet and he is blinded by love? We pencilled in a tea date for early January. Hopefully I’ll be able to get a new outfit in the sales…


This morning I spent a lot of time staring at Sneeze’s note. I might be getting a bit giddy at the thought of meeting him. The editor says I have to ‘get a grip’ and get some work done.


Today I got an email from a fellow office dog worker called Pixie, dressed in a slightly potty outfit in order to celebrate his firm’s Christmas hamper competition. His employers at Fursdon Knapper described him as a legal beagle. I know that devon is a long way from anywhere but surely you can tell he is a dachshund?


Day off to attempt to buy Christmas presents. Bought Duffle a toy and then chewed it to pieces.


The excitement at the office is mounting as I have received lots of parcels with Christmas pressies inside. As a general rule, I give all parcels that come in a good sniff, just in case there is something that needs urgent attention, but try not to nibble. This year my parcels are being put on a high shelf so I am spending a lot of time with my head craned upwards. It’s a tough life…

See you next week! Instagram @missdarcybustle

written by Miss Darcy Bustle