I can't forget that my friends weren't there for me when it really mattered

Agony Aunt's picture

Dear Patricia Marie,

I've just come through a very dark period in my life. Last year, I lost my job, my home and long-term partner through an addiction I had. I owed money on my credit cards and fell into a deep depression. Thankfully my parents were extremely understanding, and with their help, and support from a professional source, I managed to get my life back on track. But, at the time, every friend I asked for help with work or money refused me. Even when I was feeling suicidal, my closest friends stopped returning my calls. Now I don't need anyone's help, I find that the social invitations are returning. The problem is, I can't forget that my friends weren't there for me when it really mattered. Am I being unreasonable?

Patricia Marie says...


Friends can feel uncomfortable and compromised when money or favours are requested. Perhaps yours were all having difficulties themselves, or they worried that one hand-out would lead to others and you'd never be able to pay them back. Maybe they were reluctant to find you a job in case you weren't up to the work. All that is quite understandable, but true friends will find a way to help, even if they can't do exactly as asked. Now you know that the only people you can truly rely on are your parents, my advice is to drop this shallow crowd and find new people to mix with. I don't see how you can continue to be friends with those who turned their backs on you. 


Patricia Marie, our Agony Aunt, wants to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quarrels. Just email them to patricia.marie@lady.co.uk