The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 12 August
Dear Thomas,
I always enjoy reading all your things concerning manners. I do agree with the lady who asked, ‘What has happened to brides?’ (Modern Manners, 20 May issue). I have often wondered where decorum and grace have gone. A lady would never be a prima donna. My goal has always been and always will be to be a lady.
What is a lady? She is neither young nor old, she is ageless. A lady is composed with features that never frown, even if her life is upside down! She does not have to be rich; however, it would seem that education does play its part.
A lady instinctively puts people at ease and when she enters a room, people somehow feel good that she’s there. She exudes a lovely calm presence, and is polite to all, even to those who are a little boring.
While etiquette schools may be able to show such girls how to do things, it is my belief that one is born a lady, and, as such, one would instinctively know how to do such things anyway.
The modern lady has adapted over time, but she would not do trade-ins of what she stands for.
I have been through some awful times in my life, but still I have come through it all, very much a lady still (I hope and pray)!
Anne-Marie Hamilton
No address supplied
Dear Anne-Marie,
As the late Lord David Cecil used to say when a panellist on Any Questions: ‘I have little to add.’ Thank you very much also for sending your wedding photograph – no hint of a horrifying prima donna, I can confirm, but surely a gracious and elegant bride with full sleeves and shoulders covered.
Readers will be inspired by your vision of what a lady is. I particularly like what you say about it being no superficial put-on thing learned at an etiquette school. The poise and calm of a lady are what keeps you sane and helps you survive life’s difficulties. There is determination and steeliness, a refusal to compromise however badly others are behaving. But it’s not all about you, it’s about others and your sensitivity to them. Being a lady is no easy calling. It requires discipline and willpower. When you least feel like being a lady is the moment when you most need to be one.
The lady, often ridiculed as preoccupied only with bags and gloves and scarves, in reality is powerful. Her unruffled dignity and kindness are impossible to resist for all but the most chronically ill-disposed. Very few could bring themselves to repay her with anything other than the same thoughtfulness she has shown them.
Please send your questions to thomas. blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
I was pleased to see on a recent visit to Kew that they’d placed pots of Brugmansia (Datura), which is horribly poisonous – death at the merest nibble – right by the entrance to the Waterlily House at mouth level. If Kew is standing up for seriously poisonous plants then who are we to object to them? There are double standards too: rhubarb leaves, even if cooked, could kill you. But rhubarb is intensely fashionable. Other plants are unfairly tarred: laurel is poisonous – but only if you eat a whole hedge. The leaves being tough and leathery, this event is unlikely to occur.
I always enjoy reading all your things concerning manners. I do agree with the lady who asked, ‘What has happened to brides?’ (Modern Manners, 20 May issue). I have often wondered where decorum and grace have gone. A lady would never be a prima donna. My goal has always been and always will be to be a lady.
What is a lady? She is neither young nor old, she is ageless. A lady is composed with features that never frown, even if her life is upside down! She does not have to be rich; however, it would seem that education does play its part.
A lady instinctively puts people at ease and when she enters a room, people somehow feel good that she’s there. She exudes a lovely calm presence, and is polite to all, even to those who are a little boring.
While etiquette schools may be able to show such girls how to do things, it is my belief that one is born a lady, and, as such, one would instinctively know how to do such things anyway.
The modern lady has adapted over time, but she would not do trade-ins of what she stands for.
I have been through some awful times in my life, but still I have come through it all, very much a lady still (I hope and pray)!
Anne-Marie Hamilton
No address supplied
Dear Anne-Marie,
As the late Lord David Cecil used to say when a panellist on Any Questions: ‘I have little to add.’ Thank you very much also for sending your wedding photograph – no hint of a horrifying prima donna, I can confirm, but surely a gracious and elegant bride with full sleeves and shoulders covered.
Readers will be inspired by your vision of what a lady is. I particularly like what you say about it being no superficial put-on thing learned at an etiquette school. The poise and calm of a lady are what keeps you sane and helps you survive life’s difficulties. There is determination and steeliness, a refusal to compromise however badly others are behaving. But it’s not all about you, it’s about others and your sensitivity to them. Being a lady is no easy calling. It requires discipline and willpower. When you least feel like being a lady is the moment when you most need to be one.
The lady, often ridiculed as preoccupied only with bags and gloves and scarves, in reality is powerful. Her unruffled dignity and kindness are impossible to resist for all but the most chronically ill-disposed. Very few could bring themselves to repay her with anything other than the same thoughtfulness she has shown them.
Please send your questions to thomas. blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO ABOUT… POISONOUS PLANTS
A visitor to my garden pointed at my aconite and said, ‘I wouldn’t have that in my garden. It’s poisonous.’ Well, for me it’s immensely useful in an awkward backlot, being shade-loving, occupying little space while having good flower power. But if the lady didn’t want it in her garden, then nobody’s making her. There is a school of thought that’s offended by the very existence of poisonous plants, to add to the list of the many things causing offence these days. They just shouldn’t be there, these people say.I was pleased to see on a recent visit to Kew that they’d placed pots of Brugmansia (Datura), which is horribly poisonous – death at the merest nibble – right by the entrance to the Waterlily House at mouth level. If Kew is standing up for seriously poisonous plants then who are we to object to them? There are double standards too: rhubarb leaves, even if cooked, could kill you. But rhubarb is intensely fashionable. Other plants are unfairly tarred: laurel is poisonous – but only if you eat a whole hedge. The leaves being tough and leathery, this event is unlikely to occur.