The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 6 May
Dear Thomas,
Someone told me that you’re lower class if you use coasters – that’s to say drinks mats. I’m upset because I’ve always had them and so have many of my friends. What’s wrong with them?
Elaine Sandover, The Wirral
Dear Elaine,
I’ve heard about this anti-coaster lobby. It’s been said that although household items do not naturally rank themselves in a social order, the British will find a way to ensure that they do. The latest targets are big tellies, hot tubs and even fitted carpets – all denounced as common. Anything that suggests new money or a dainty sort of pretentiousness, in fact – hence coasters. In one way, nothing has changed since the 1950s, when Nancy Mitford published her essay U And Non-U. Nancy said that all words derived from French, such as ‘serviette’, were a sure sign of pretentious social anxiety, while real upper-class people didn’t care and used down-to-earth vocabulary such as ‘napkin’ or ‘pudding’ (not ‘sweet’). But Nancy rather got her knickers in a twist when it came to perfectly reasonable words such as ‘mirror’, which she was compelled to condemn because French in origin. She also had to go through her early novels crossing out all the ‘mirrors’ and ‘notepapers’. This is the trouble: if you try to make rules, something won’t fit or you’ll get caught out yourself.
I don’t care for a big telly, particularly when there’s nothing else in the room. But if you try to say only a bashed-up stately home-type of interior is truly posh, you meet obstacles. A lot of statelies have got fitted carpets now lovingly preserved by the National Trust. In fact the whole stately thing, intended to show off and make a splash, was originally incredibly common in many cases. Old money was new money once, you see.
As for coasters, they could be a weeny bit pretentious, especially if your furniture is varnished against water or heat damage. I don’t call them coasters, either. A coaster is made of silver and wood and used for bottles and decanters. We’re talking about drinks mats. I don’t think we want to see them laid out in the drawing room but they can be included in the table setting in the dining room. On the other hand, no well-bred person will put a hot or wet item on a polished surface without asking first whether it is safe to do so. It is at this point that a drinks mat might be produced in the drawing room. It’s not common to wish to protect furniture from serious damage. Grand people in the drawing room will often be seen reaching for a magazine, such as The Lady (or equivalent, if there is one) to use should the occasion require it.
Please send your questions to thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
Also, it must be rather fun to ‘ban’ prominent speakers even if, in some cases, these are people who have fought for women’s rights and freedom of speech. I’m glad to see that other students are now fighting back against this nonsense. Let’s hope that soon we hear no more of it.
Someone told me that you’re lower class if you use coasters – that’s to say drinks mats. I’m upset because I’ve always had them and so have many of my friends. What’s wrong with them?
Elaine Sandover, The Wirral
Dear Elaine,
I’ve heard about this anti-coaster lobby. It’s been said that although household items do not naturally rank themselves in a social order, the British will find a way to ensure that they do. The latest targets are big tellies, hot tubs and even fitted carpets – all denounced as common. Anything that suggests new money or a dainty sort of pretentiousness, in fact – hence coasters. In one way, nothing has changed since the 1950s, when Nancy Mitford published her essay U And Non-U. Nancy said that all words derived from French, such as ‘serviette’, were a sure sign of pretentious social anxiety, while real upper-class people didn’t care and used down-to-earth vocabulary such as ‘napkin’ or ‘pudding’ (not ‘sweet’). But Nancy rather got her knickers in a twist when it came to perfectly reasonable words such as ‘mirror’, which she was compelled to condemn because French in origin. She also had to go through her early novels crossing out all the ‘mirrors’ and ‘notepapers’. This is the trouble: if you try to make rules, something won’t fit or you’ll get caught out yourself.
I don’t care for a big telly, particularly when there’s nothing else in the room. But if you try to say only a bashed-up stately home-type of interior is truly posh, you meet obstacles. A lot of statelies have got fitted carpets now lovingly preserved by the National Trust. In fact the whole stately thing, intended to show off and make a splash, was originally incredibly common in many cases. Old money was new money once, you see.
As for coasters, they could be a weeny bit pretentious, especially if your furniture is varnished against water or heat damage. I don’t call them coasters, either. A coaster is made of silver and wood and used for bottles and decanters. We’re talking about drinks mats. I don’t think we want to see them laid out in the drawing room but they can be included in the table setting in the dining room. On the other hand, no well-bred person will put a hot or wet item on a polished surface without asking first whether it is safe to do so. It is at this point that a drinks mat might be produced in the drawing room. It’s not common to wish to protect furniture from serious damage. Grand people in the drawing room will often be seen reaching for a magazine, such as The Lady (or equivalent, if there is one) to use should the occasion require it.
Please send your questions to thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO ABOUT… the no-platform policy
Have you heard about the peculiar trend where certain student unions have taken to petitioning against the appearance of eminent speakers such as Germaine Greer because of something they’ve said previously. In Greer’s case, her crime was to question whether a transgender woman could make the same claim to be a woman as someone who was born female. The striking thing is that offenders are to have ‘no platform’. They’re not allowed to speak. This is discouraging. Since when did young people turn into blustery middleaged members of a golf club only wanting to hear what they want to hear? As we know, even in the politest conversation there is room for such a thing as a robust exchange of views. But I wonder how seriously to take these students. I sense a desperate casting around for a cause – and perhaps attention.Also, it must be rather fun to ‘ban’ prominent speakers even if, in some cases, these are people who have fought for women’s rights and freedom of speech. I’m glad to see that other students are now fighting back against this nonsense. Let’s hope that soon we hear no more of it.