The Lady Guide to Modern Manners:1 March
Dear Thomas,
After a recent party I found that £50 had been stolen from my handbag, which I’d left in the hosts’ bedroom. I couldn’t believe it – in a private house! I’ve been agonising about what to do ever since. Can you help?
Carla Saunders, Bury St Edmunds
Dear Carla,
Yes, I see. Ferociously awkward. Exactly the same thing happened to me once. I consulted a fellow guest who knew the giver of the party rather better than I did. We agreed to keep mum to avoid complete retrospective wrecking of the occasion for the host. And could anything worthwhile have been done about it anyway?
On the other hand, a thief is at large. You might consider having a word with other guests just in case anyone had the same experience. Even so, unless there is a defi nite suspect and substantial evidence (ie, a person seen rifl ing through coats, etc), silence is probably the best policy. Only alert the hosts if there’s a real chance of catching the culprit.
The whole issue of property mislaid in other ways when on territory not your own comes to mind. Once, at a private party in a hired venue, the unattended coat rack was chaos from the outset. At the end of the evening, my coat had evaporated entirely – so, in the depths of winter, no coat, no keys. I could have died on the streets.
Luckily, some nice people took me in for the night, but they lived about 10 miles away. Next day an unhinged fellow guest returned my outdoor garment, which she’d taken in error.
What with that trauma and the pilfering incident, I’ve lost all faith in cloakrooms and cling to my bag hysterically at parties. Silly, I suppose.
If you assume that only a serious kleptomaniac would steal from fellow guests at a private function, the risk is slight. But very respectable people, in a state of post-party merriment, are absolutely capable of walking off with the wrong coat, even if it’s six sizes too small.
You could try putting your outerwear separately from the great heap on the bed, or even in another room. And don’t leave anything vital in the pockets. You might also hide your bag away somewhere canny as long as you can fi nd it again later.
Another scenario is that you have to phone your hosts the next day to say that you lost your diamonds or pop-pearls at their gaff. Delicate. Avoid an accusatory or demanding tone. ‘It’s frightfully important that I fi nd them’ or ‘If you should happen to see…’ is better.
Recipients of such messages, on the other hand, should be seen to be bothered. No ‘I don’t think so’ or instant dismissal. Offer to search thoroughly even if you know for sure your fl oor harbours no missing diamonds.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
Interestingly, however, the number one source of exasperation is lack of contact: neighbours who never speak, even when approached by their neighbours in a neighbourly spirit.
I’ve always said that the raving Black & Decker is a great deal easier to endure when operated by someone you’ve at least had a friendly word with, and who might just say, ‘I hope the noise isn’t driving you mad’; words that magic away distress. If neighbours reject all contact, then their car parked just slightly skewwhiff is an outrage.
Khalid Al-Khames, of Central Scotland Joinery, speaks wisely: ‘It doesn’t take much effort to change things.’ And he’s right. Some people think that once they start, there’ll never be an end to it. So it’s head down, grim face and avoid. But a friendly word once in a while works wonders.
After a recent party I found that £50 had been stolen from my handbag, which I’d left in the hosts’ bedroom. I couldn’t believe it – in a private house! I’ve been agonising about what to do ever since. Can you help?
Carla Saunders, Bury St Edmunds
Dear Carla,
Yes, I see. Ferociously awkward. Exactly the same thing happened to me once. I consulted a fellow guest who knew the giver of the party rather better than I did. We agreed to keep mum to avoid complete retrospective wrecking of the occasion for the host. And could anything worthwhile have been done about it anyway?
On the other hand, a thief is at large. You might consider having a word with other guests just in case anyone had the same experience. Even so, unless there is a defi nite suspect and substantial evidence (ie, a person seen rifl ing through coats, etc), silence is probably the best policy. Only alert the hosts if there’s a real chance of catching the culprit.
The whole issue of property mislaid in other ways when on territory not your own comes to mind. Once, at a private party in a hired venue, the unattended coat rack was chaos from the outset. At the end of the evening, my coat had evaporated entirely – so, in the depths of winter, no coat, no keys. I could have died on the streets.
Luckily, some nice people took me in for the night, but they lived about 10 miles away. Next day an unhinged fellow guest returned my outdoor garment, which she’d taken in error.
What with that trauma and the pilfering incident, I’ve lost all faith in cloakrooms and cling to my bag hysterically at parties. Silly, I suppose.
If you assume that only a serious kleptomaniac would steal from fellow guests at a private function, the risk is slight. But very respectable people, in a state of post-party merriment, are absolutely capable of walking off with the wrong coat, even if it’s six sizes too small.
You could try putting your outerwear separately from the great heap on the bed, or even in another room. And don’t leave anything vital in the pockets. You might also hide your bag away somewhere canny as long as you can fi nd it again later.
Another scenario is that you have to phone your hosts the next day to say that you lost your diamonds or pop-pearls at their gaff. Delicate. Avoid an accusatory or demanding tone. ‘It’s frightfully important that I fi nd them’ or ‘If you should happen to see…’ is better.
Recipients of such messages, on the other hand, should be seen to be bothered. No ‘I don’t think so’ or instant dismissal. Offer to search thoroughly even if you know for sure your fl oor harbours no missing diamonds.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO… about naughty neighbours
According to a new survey by Central Scotland Joinery, the pecking order of crimes committed by neighbours is as follows: they are rude, they have annoying children, they don’t ‘poop scoop’, they play loud music, they don’t tidy their garden, they park badly, they carry out loud DIY, they dispute boundaries, they leave their bins out and they twitch their nets.Interestingly, however, the number one source of exasperation is lack of contact: neighbours who never speak, even when approached by their neighbours in a neighbourly spirit.
I’ve always said that the raving Black & Decker is a great deal easier to endure when operated by someone you’ve at least had a friendly word with, and who might just say, ‘I hope the noise isn’t driving you mad’; words that magic away distress. If neighbours reject all contact, then their car parked just slightly skewwhiff is an outrage.
Khalid Al-Khames, of Central Scotland Joinery, speaks wisely: ‘It doesn’t take much effort to change things.’ And he’s right. Some people think that once they start, there’ll never be an end to it. So it’s head down, grim face and avoid. But a friendly word once in a while works wonders.