The Lady Guide to Modern Manners:5 April
Dear Thomas,
I volunteered to organise an after-work badminton club for colleagues at the private clinic where I work. It wasn’t even my idea but plenty of people were supposed to be interested. After I’d spent a lot of time finding a court, working out times and prices, etc, all of a sudden they didn’t want to speak to me. My emails were ignored. Some said they’d come, but didn’t bother to show up. I don’t know if I can face going on with it.
Andy Hull, Watford
Dear Andy,
As Jean-Paul Sartre said, ‘L’enfer, c’est les autres’ (Hell is other people). Although I’m not sure he was necessarily thinking of nonattendance at an office badminton club. Who knows what Sartre was thinking?
Anyway, you’re not alone. Many have suffered parallel martyrdom trying to arrange what are supposed to be pleasant diversions for the weary worker, such as a charabanc outing to Windsor Evening Races or even an agreeable lunch club for those in semi-retirement. The story’s always the same: wild enthusiasm when the idea is first proposed, followed by sullen inertia and then a dwindling to nothing. I wonder why the person who had the brainwave didn’t organise the badminton?
The greater dampener is usually having to fork out. No matter of what maturity, people forget it’s going to cost them. The mildest sum (such as £12.50) can be fatal. But it could be that your badminton was just too expensive. All the same, you did get takers but you say some failed to show. This is bad.
Unless the boss is somehow involved, people seem to think any commitment to social or leisure activities connected with work can be undone at a moment’s notice. They wouldn’t dream of treating their friends or family this way. Insist that they pay in advance in future. That’ll put paid to the last-minute doctor’s appointments or fillings dropping out.
It is funny, though, how adults behave exactly like children with their excuses. The best approach if you’re organising an office jolly, such as a trip to an ice rink, or an after-hours club, is to be, well, organised. Give clear information about the date, time, place, cost, whether there will be food or not.
The more definite and detailed the plan, the more seriously it will be taken. Get takers to pay upfront but don’t be afraid, even so, to veer towards the Lynda Snell [overbearing woman in The Archers] approach – quite bossy but a little brittle so people can feel sorry. A squeal along the lines that you hope everyone isn’t suddenly going to find at the last minute that they’ve got a pet sea lion they must attend to, because you really are depending on them to make a jolly party – the more the merrier might be called for.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
Nowadays, many people exude glamour and allure, that is, until you reach their shoes. Young men in particular: the footwear is scuffed, broken down and has recently been employed in some team sport involving a muddy pitch.
Oh! Clean your shoes for an instant, well-mannered appearance. The most ancient pump or clog will be transformed. Some shoes look cheap, usually because they are trying to pass themselves off as made of leather, or, if men’s, because they are grey. Don’t buy cheap-looking shoes. More expensive shoes, as opposed to more expensive clothes, are a good investment as often as not.
Good shoes, well maintained, could almost lift jeans into the realms of smartness if you’re wearing jeans when you shouldn’t be. Tan shoes on men are a risk.
What about trainers? The foot appears bandaged, as if ill. There’s no shape, no elegance. Even as leisurewear, they’re uncalled for. They can only be worn once. You can’t clean them.
I volunteered to organise an after-work badminton club for colleagues at the private clinic where I work. It wasn’t even my idea but plenty of people were supposed to be interested. After I’d spent a lot of time finding a court, working out times and prices, etc, all of a sudden they didn’t want to speak to me. My emails were ignored. Some said they’d come, but didn’t bother to show up. I don’t know if I can face going on with it.
Andy Hull, Watford
Dear Andy,
As Jean-Paul Sartre said, ‘L’enfer, c’est les autres’ (Hell is other people). Although I’m not sure he was necessarily thinking of nonattendance at an office badminton club. Who knows what Sartre was thinking?
Anyway, you’re not alone. Many have suffered parallel martyrdom trying to arrange what are supposed to be pleasant diversions for the weary worker, such as a charabanc outing to Windsor Evening Races or even an agreeable lunch club for those in semi-retirement. The story’s always the same: wild enthusiasm when the idea is first proposed, followed by sullen inertia and then a dwindling to nothing. I wonder why the person who had the brainwave didn’t organise the badminton?
The greater dampener is usually having to fork out. No matter of what maturity, people forget it’s going to cost them. The mildest sum (such as £12.50) can be fatal. But it could be that your badminton was just too expensive. All the same, you did get takers but you say some failed to show. This is bad.
Unless the boss is somehow involved, people seem to think any commitment to social or leisure activities connected with work can be undone at a moment’s notice. They wouldn’t dream of treating their friends or family this way. Insist that they pay in advance in future. That’ll put paid to the last-minute doctor’s appointments or fillings dropping out.
It is funny, though, how adults behave exactly like children with their excuses. The best approach if you’re organising an office jolly, such as a trip to an ice rink, or an after-hours club, is to be, well, organised. Give clear information about the date, time, place, cost, whether there will be food or not.
The more definite and detailed the plan, the more seriously it will be taken. Get takers to pay upfront but don’t be afraid, even so, to veer towards the Lynda Snell [overbearing woman in The Archers] approach – quite bossy but a little brittle so people can feel sorry. A squeal along the lines that you hope everyone isn’t suddenly going to find at the last minute that they’ve got a pet sea lion they must attend to, because you really are depending on them to make a jolly party – the more the merrier might be called for.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
HOW TO WEAR… Shoes
Amid the perilous doubt that assails us re correct dress these days, in the matter of how the hoof should be shod, is there hope of greater certainty?Nowadays, many people exude glamour and allure, that is, until you reach their shoes. Young men in particular: the footwear is scuffed, broken down and has recently been employed in some team sport involving a muddy pitch.
Oh! Clean your shoes for an instant, well-mannered appearance. The most ancient pump or clog will be transformed. Some shoes look cheap, usually because they are trying to pass themselves off as made of leather, or, if men’s, because they are grey. Don’t buy cheap-looking shoes. More expensive shoes, as opposed to more expensive clothes, are a good investment as often as not.
Good shoes, well maintained, could almost lift jeans into the realms of smartness if you’re wearing jeans when you shouldn’t be. Tan shoes on men are a risk.
What about trainers? The foot appears bandaged, as if ill. There’s no shape, no elegance. Even as leisurewear, they’re uncalled for. They can only be worn once. You can’t clean them.