Dear Patricia Marie,
I am 30, and have been having an affair with a married man for over 5 years. Each year he promises to spend Christmas with me, but when the time comes he finds excuses for us not to be together. To my joy, he promised that this year was definitely my turn. Now, to my huge disappointment, he tells me that he may have to spend Christmas with his wife and children as his wife has made plans he can’t get out of, but if possible, he will visit me at some stage. This has left me heartbroken and depressed as everything is only ever on his terms. My sister who lives a long distance away, has invited me to stay for Christmas, and now I just don’t know what to do, as I love my boyfriend but don’t want to risk being alone for Christmas either. My friends are furious that I allow this man to treat me with such disrespect. They want me to leave him and find someone else. I have been invited to lots of Christmas parties, but normally decline as my boyfriend gets jealous, and in the past I have ended up staying home alone, thinking of him with his wife. Please help.
Patricia Marie says...
This man is not your boyfriend, he is somebody else’s husband, and after reading your letter, I predict that’s all he will ever be. My very firm advice would be to accept your sister’s kind offer and spend time away from this selfish man who won’t leave his wife, wants you to be there when it’s convenient for him, is only concerned with his own needs, and is full of broken promises. Otherwise, you could wait around all over Christmas with the possibility of feeling miserable, lonely and let down.
How can it ever be your turn when this cheat is married to someone else? Could this be the year you finally accept you are wasting your life on someone who is already spoken for? I’m sorry if this reply may not be the one you were wanting, but I hope it helps you to recognise that you need to move on from this destructive relationship to a far healthier one. Protect what dignity you have left, turn your back on this man, listen to your friends, go and have fun at the Christmas parties, and before long, you may even find your very own future husband that you are worthy of and deserve no less.
Patricia Marie, our Agony Aunt, wants to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quarrels. Just email them to patricia.marie@lady.co.uk
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