Morning blues

by Louis Barfe

I hear people talking of being politically homeless. I’m wirelessly homeless at breakfast time. I need radio, and it’s been problematic since Sir Terry went. The Today programme is out of the question as long as John Humphrys is stinking the joint up. It’s time for him to be sent to live on a farm in Wales.

Radio 2’s a no-go area until ken bruce at 9.30. I can’t take the positivity of Chris Evans, especially when he’s interviewing dubious coves like Jordan Peterson, and in January, when he goes, I’ll be bitter that Sara Cox didn’t get the job over Zoe Ball. Radio 3 sends me back to sleep. I might have to admit defeat and get dab for the bedroom.

Still, later in the day, the schedules are perking up with the end of Home Front. At least the people of 1914 had the false hope that the Great War would be over by Christmas. When this tedium festival (Radio 4 – available on iPlayer) began in August 2014, we knew we’d be lumbered with it until November 2018.

It’s a great idea, and as a feat of broadcasting endurance, it is to be praised. unfortunately, I’ve hated it from the first time I heard that theme tune, as depressing as the opening of sing something simple, with the added tang of Hovis adverts.

It touches a nerve deep within me, previously tapped only by The Archers. Every time I’ve listened it’s been heavy-handed on the issues, and Lordy Moses don’t get me started on the acting. I’ve had enough standard BBC drama fruity yokels to last a lifetime, with their accents veering between Weston-Super-Mare to Wymondham according to the prevailing wind and what the special of the day was in the BBC canteen.

If you think I’m being churlish, it’s all on iPlayer. Are you going to go back and listen to any of it? Exactly.