The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 4 January
Dear Thomas,
I happened to mention to my husband that perhaps a January diet would be a good scheme. Well… if you ask me, he was that bit too keen on the idea and has been shoving salads in my direction ever since. What do you think? Is he being rude?
Marjorie Copplestone, Ipswich
Dear Marjorie,
After Christmas we’re all feeling fat. In your own case, it rather depends on how you view the role of husband. He is your comfort and protection, like a really lovely eiderdown (or duvet, to be modern) or he must tell you what others would not dare.
Some men, of course, seek to undermine their partners constantly and know that inducing anxiety about her weight is a good way to get at a woman. Such relationships are often abusive in other ways. Or, you might say that having similar eating habits is the foundation of an ideal partnership. Some couples choose to grow agreeably large together.
Perhaps a husband with no track record of going on about his wife’s weight can drop a few hints once or twice in the course of a marriage.
Otherwise, January is the time for the rest of us to be extra-alert to size-related gaffes. How often have you been halfway through a sentence of this nature – ‘Have you seen how much weight soand- so has put on recently?’ – only to realise too late that the person you are addressing is themselves conceived on a vast scale? To be absolutely on the safe side, avoid all mention of weight all the time.
What about diets as a topic of conversation? In January there is little to talk about and the temptation is great.
If you’re on a diet and wish to pick over every ounce that’s coming off or going on, your ideal environment is perhaps one of those dieting clubs. There’s bound to be one in your neighbourhood and you might be able to spend a lot of time at it. In other social situations, if you harp on about your diet, people might think you’re vain or deluded or plain ungrateful for your host’s offerings. The particulars of your diet (a teaspoon of hot water once a week, etc) might invite ridicule.
On the other hand, to be beautifully New Year fair, most of us wish we ate less, particularly of pudding. Hosts planning moraleboosting January dinner, supper or lunch (or even breakfast) parties might care to plan menus along lightly dietary lines while not going as far as the brutal crushing of all enjoyment.
It’s just my personal view, but why not slash out cheese… and maybe chocs? Aren’t they supposed to be especially bad? And don’t be afraid of less. Many hosts are nervously lavish. Try smaller portions, just the tiniest slither of tarte au citron – your guests will be grateful – in the long run.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
Oh dear, it’s all so difficult. This is typical of our modern life. There’s this idea now that classical-music concerts have to be whooshed up to encourage a younger audience. Clapping between movements, shrieking and screaming at the end are de rigueur.
It’s all a certain amount of nonsense. When you think of how audiences behaved if Maria Callas so much as picked up a dustpan on the stage… Shouting ‘hurray’, banging on the floor, standing up, hurling fl owers, have been activities for audiences since time immemorial. The modern whistling and whooping, which I don’t like, is aggressive. What is being expressed? Enraptured appreciation or violent contempt?
I happened to mention to my husband that perhaps a January diet would be a good scheme. Well… if you ask me, he was that bit too keen on the idea and has been shoving salads in my direction ever since. What do you think? Is he being rude?
Marjorie Copplestone, Ipswich
Dear Marjorie,
After Christmas we’re all feeling fat. In your own case, it rather depends on how you view the role of husband. He is your comfort and protection, like a really lovely eiderdown (or duvet, to be modern) or he must tell you what others would not dare.
Some men, of course, seek to undermine their partners constantly and know that inducing anxiety about her weight is a good way to get at a woman. Such relationships are often abusive in other ways. Or, you might say that having similar eating habits is the foundation of an ideal partnership. Some couples choose to grow agreeably large together.
Perhaps a husband with no track record of going on about his wife’s weight can drop a few hints once or twice in the course of a marriage.
Otherwise, January is the time for the rest of us to be extra-alert to size-related gaffes. How often have you been halfway through a sentence of this nature – ‘Have you seen how much weight soand- so has put on recently?’ – only to realise too late that the person you are addressing is themselves conceived on a vast scale? To be absolutely on the safe side, avoid all mention of weight all the time.
What about diets as a topic of conversation? In January there is little to talk about and the temptation is great.
If you’re on a diet and wish to pick over every ounce that’s coming off or going on, your ideal environment is perhaps one of those dieting clubs. There’s bound to be one in your neighbourhood and you might be able to spend a lot of time at it. In other social situations, if you harp on about your diet, people might think you’re vain or deluded or plain ungrateful for your host’s offerings. The particulars of your diet (a teaspoon of hot water once a week, etc) might invite ridicule.
On the other hand, to be beautifully New Year fair, most of us wish we ate less, particularly of pudding. Hosts planning moraleboosting January dinner, supper or lunch (or even breakfast) parties might care to plan menus along lightly dietary lines while not going as far as the brutal crushing of all enjoyment.
It’s just my personal view, but why not slash out cheese… and maybe chocs? Aren’t they supposed to be especially bad? And don’t be afraid of less. Many hosts are nervously lavish. Try smaller portions, just the tiniest slither of tarte au citron – your guests will be grateful – in the long run.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO… when taking children to concerts
Mrs Alison writes from Merseyside that when she took her nine-year-old grandson to a classical concert given by the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra, at the end of the performance they remained seated and expressed their appreciation by clapping. Nearby, some adults stood up, waved, whistled and shouted ‘Hurray!’, which she had told her grandson not to do. Does she have to eat her words, she asks?Oh dear, it’s all so difficult. This is typical of our modern life. There’s this idea now that classical-music concerts have to be whooshed up to encourage a younger audience. Clapping between movements, shrieking and screaming at the end are de rigueur.
It’s all a certain amount of nonsense. When you think of how audiences behaved if Maria Callas so much as picked up a dustpan on the stage… Shouting ‘hurray’, banging on the floor, standing up, hurling fl owers, have been activities for audiences since time immemorial. The modern whistling and whooping, which I don’t like, is aggressive. What is being expressed? Enraptured appreciation or violent contempt?