The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle

Monday

The papers last week were full of pictures of a Hungarian Vizsla called Whiskey who likes to go backpacking in the Canadian mountains – she even has her own backpack. And it goes without saying that she has an Instagram account. Apparently, she can run for miles and miles each day and is fearless. Well, we all have our talents, Whiskey. Mine, for instance, includes laying on the sofa for the whole of Sunday afternoon watching an Agatha Christie murder mystery and not even hiding under the cushions when the scary music starts. That’s fearless.

Tuesday

My friend Lyttleton also likes to go on the odd adventure with our radio critic louis Barfe. For her 15th birthday last week, they went to see a 1920s-style band called Shanghai Shuffle. Basically, they went down the pub, which is where they seem to spend most of their time. She was lucky to have been taken out for a treat because she had been in the doghouse for stealing an Easter egg. She ended up having to take a trip to the vet – costing £140. oh dear, we’ve all been there.

Wednesday

Who knew that goldfish don’t like playing with dogs? I do now. It started when Gertie and Rosie had to have their tank cleaned and were left in a large bowl of water on the dining room table. As everyone had gone out and I was bored, I jumped up on the table to introduce myself. I have to say, they weren’t overly friendly. In fact, they went bonkers, whizzing around the water. I know I shouldn’t have tried to stroke them, and I know now that the little bit of fin at the bottom of Gertie’s tail might not grow back, but in my defence, I was just being friendly. There’s no need for them to cling to the back of the tank now every time I am passing.

Thursday

A tiny Lhasa Apso from West Yorkshire called Archie is possibly the most spoilt pooch on the planet. I mean, who actually needs a dog-sized replica of Windsor castle? Well, I wouldn’t say no, but no one is offering. It took over 244 hours to make, is two metres tall and cost around £5,000. His new regal residence is now sitting in the garden, and he is preparing to have dog-friendly BBQs. His human friend Susan had just won £1.2 million on the lottery and she was keen that he didn’t miss out. ‘We love to spoil him,’ she told her local newspaper. I’ve left the cutting laying around the office just in case.

Friday

Is it wrong to have eaten the half packet of custard creams left in the editorial room without asking? Apparently, that’s what’s called a rhetorical question.

See you next week

Instagram @missdarcybustle

 

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