The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 27 July


II was woken last night by Freddy, the cheeky long- haired tabby from next door, banging on our catflap – technically it belongs to Lulu Guinness, but really it’s an animal superhighway. Freddy always gets cross when his human friends go away on holiday and don’t take him. Don’t we all? I always kick up a terrible fuss if I am left on my own for more than 20 minutes. Freddy was trying to wake Lulu to get her to go out and play, but she was spread out on the sofa snoring – she always says cats are far too dignified to snore, but who is she kidding? In the end, Freddy gave up, but not before ruining my evening – which could have been his intention all along, of course.


When I was little, I was allowed to get away with doing anything or nothing, but now that I am grown up I am constantly being told to ‘take more responsibility’. What do humans really think we dogs can do? If I haven’t done very much all day, that is a good thing. You really don’t want dogs being too busy, that’s when things end in tears and shredded furniture. Perhaps if I went back to chewing the edges of the office bin, I would get promoted. In the meantime, I am going to apply for acting school. I think I’d make a very good Hamlet.


This week we have a big feature on fat pets – it’s an important issue to highlight and something vet charity PDSA raises awareness of every year with its Pet Fit Club competition: animals battle it out to reach their ideal weights. Most pets get plump because they eat too much or steal food – one finalist stole a whole cake, for instance. I know that feeling. But another ate someone’s false teeth. How can that even be tasty? Ugh. And does it make you put on weight? It really has boggled my little brain.



Duffle has had his summer haircut and looks quite dapper. Technically, it’s not actually a haircut but a ‘strip’, because he is a Border Terrier and they have to have their winter coat pulled off them. I often try to help him with this by hanging from his whiskers by my teeth, but he doesn’t seem to be that grateful.


I’m off to Cornwall next week. I can’t wait. I hope the sun continues to shine and I can go surfing. Dog surfing is all the range. Russell Brand takes his Alsatian out surfing, but he did have behaviour training first as he was known as a hooligan. I am going out in search of the ‘perfect wave’, but maybe I need to do a few more laps of the bath first…

See you next week 

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