Dear Patricia Marie,
I am 50, and have recently split from my boyfriend of 3 years. We had a fabulous relationship, or so I thought, until I found out he had been cheating on me with two other women. He hasn’t denied it, and says he doesn’t know what he wants anymore, and is moving miles away to start a new life on his own. Whether this is true or not makes no difference, he doesn’t want to be with me. I am an intelligent lady, and never had any reason to doubt he was anything but faithful. I would never have cheated on him, and I think to betray somebody in this way is unacceptable. Our sex life was fantastic, and we had so much in common. I totally adored him, only to be let down. To say I feel empty is an understatement, as I know I will never meet anyone like him again. In fact, I don’t think I could ever trust another man. My heart aches, and all I want to do is scream and shout, as well as cry.
Patricia Marie says...
There is nothing worse than a broken heart, and it’s not surprising that you are scared of falling in love again after such a painful experience. You loved your boyfriend and the intimacy you shared was particularly meaningful to you. For him, the attention of three women more than likely made him feel powerful and desirable. Yet, the reality is he is nothing more than a Casanova who is not to be trusted.
When we fall in love we can never be certain that person won’t hurt us, because the very act of falling in love makes us vulnerable. The alternative is to be forever single - which I feel in your case would be such a waste, as you are clearly a sincere person who demonstrates warmth and passion and should be appreciated for such. You say you’ll never meet anyone like this man again, well let’s hope not - you deserve better than him, and will clearly see this once you allow yourself time to come to terms with the unexpected ending of a relationship which you very much valued.
Understandably you are feeling angry, betrayed and disappointed, but don’t let this man’s deceit jeopardise your future happiness. It is a natural instinct if you have been hurt to put barriers around you and not allow yourself to trust, but if you do that, you could miss out on the joy of spending a lifetime with someone lovely and worthy of you. Ensure you surround yourself with family and friends that you can trust and depend on to get you through this bad time, and hopefully in time your heart will begin to heal. I include a quote that is both powerful and meaningful, and I do hope you are able to draw comfort from this:
“The emotion that can break your heart, is sometimes the very one that heals it.” Nicholas Sparks.
For an inspirational and therapeutic read, I recommend: ‘I Can Mend Your Broken Heart’ by Paul McKenna.
Patricia Marie, our Agony Aunt, wants to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quarrels. Just email them to patricia.marie@lady.co.uk
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