Valentine's Day reinforces my loneliness

Agony Aunt's picture

Dear Patricia Marie,

I dread this time of year with Valentine's Day fast approaching. It just reinforces my loneliness, and disappointment that I am facing yet another year of being single. The type of men I seem to meet are not worthy of me and have no future prospects, yet, I have even lowered my standards due to lack of response. I seem to attract the useless, uncaring, selfish, non-committal man. I am starting to feel that I should be grateful for anyone who shows an interest in me.

About me.  I am 30, my friends tell me I'm very attractive, interesting and reliable. I hold a good position at work, where I am valued and appreciated.  Why can't this extend to my personal life? It's so annoying seeing all the Valentine's merchandise in the shops, and restaurants promoting their offerings on what's supposed to be the most romantic day of the year. I want to be wined and dined, have flowers sent to me and to receive a card on Valentine's Day. 
Please help me. 

Patricia Marie says...

You say most of the men you meet aren't living up to your expectations, and that you are considering giving up trying to find a partner. Yet, you also believe lowering your standards allows you more chance of success. You are clearly suffering from low self-esteem, which is why you are attracting the unfavourable type not worthy of you. These negative beliefs can arise from bad experiences, or not being valued or understood. In order to truly love someone, you must first be able to love and respect yourself. 

Being your true self is allowing colleagues to show you unconditional respect and acceptance, which gives you confidence within the work environment. This can be extended to your personal life if you can begin to see yourself in a positive light. 

Instead of dreading this year's Valentine's Day, make it special by promising yourself this is the year to address your chances of finding a suitable partner. Perhaps you could join a reputable dating site, or embark on some new hobbies or interests, which will enhance your social life and help improve your sense of self-worth. Being single doesn't mean you can't celebrate Valentine's Day. Plan to spend some time with your friends, which could turn out to be great fun; you could catch the latest movie, enjoy a meal out and some fine wine too, or simply grab a pizza. Just being with those closest to you can make you feel very much loved on this special day. Do remember, at this present time, yes, you may be without a partner, but there are plenty of Valentine's Days in a lifetime, and many possible people whom you could fall in love with.

Don't make the day about loneliness, make it about you - instead of admiring what's on offer in the shops, go ahead and treat yourself to a gift that you would like to receive and very much deserve.

Check out the Mind website ( where you will find useful tips on increasing self-esteem.