The Lady Guide to Modern Manners:22 March
Dear Thomas,
My niece very kindly sent me some flowers for my birthday but the delivery company, for reasons unknown, decided to throw them into the neighbours' garden rather than hand them over to me – even though I was at home. The bouquet survived a night out of doors since it didn't rain but when eventually I was able to open the package, two of the roses were broken. It was only minor damage and I've been able to enjoy a lovely floral display. All the same, I'm in a quandary – should I tell my niece about the mishap?
Suzanne Kingdom, Canterbury
Dear Suzanne,
I'm sure many readers have been pincered by this dilemma. Presents of all kinds are more and more frequently ordered online these days and might well arrive damaged or at the wrong house. If you tell the donor, they'll know that the lovely surprise they planned didn't come off. A replacement sent later isn't the same. The date's been missed. You might feel ungrateful or that you're cast unwillingly in the role of complainer. On the other hand, we can't have delivery personnel going about the country hurling packages wherever they please. Something must be done.
An ideal solution perhaps is that the receiver of the maimed gift is able to contact the online supplier directly and the giver need never know about it. But usually the necessary information isn't available on the packaging. Even if it is, once you get into the territory of refunds and so on, there's a danger something will show up on the donor's credit card statement.
Fundamentally, it is the benefactor who is being deceived. They might carry on using a particular online service for years and never know that all their gifts have been chipped, squashed, lopped in half or dead on arrival, having spent days in a neighbour's garden.
So really you must speak up. In this case you are fortunate: the surprise wasn't completely ruined by any means. But the behaviour of the delivery people was perfectly outrageous. I would only keep mum if you believe the giver will be destroyed that things have not turned out perfectly.
Some donors could get snappy with the person they wished to lavish a gift upon, without meaning to. Or just make too much of a drama. Common sense might be comforting to cling on to, though. It's frustrating that your immaculately planned gifting exercise didn't come off but better in the end that your friend gets an unblemished floral tribute, even if late.
What's more, with increasing frequency we want to buy presents online but it's common knowledge that while the packaging and dispatch are generally top-notch, the actual placing of the item in the hands of the intended is fraught with difficulty. Online businesses must improve their service.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
So why do we hear of chicken or even beef being offered up as viable Easter options? No! No! No!
You might think: it's nobody's business what goes in and out of my oven on Easter Day. No lamb is hardly the downfall of society as we know it.
How could you? Were you not enraged to see a young man parading in winter's depths without a coat? 'Where's your coat?' you want to scream.
What an affront – is there anything more offensive? Just because a person's activities have no or little impact on anybody else, is hardly a reason to desist from violent objection. Quite the opposite, in fact.
My niece very kindly sent me some flowers for my birthday but the delivery company, for reasons unknown, decided to throw them into the neighbours' garden rather than hand them over to me – even though I was at home. The bouquet survived a night out of doors since it didn't rain but when eventually I was able to open the package, two of the roses were broken. It was only minor damage and I've been able to enjoy a lovely floral display. All the same, I'm in a quandary – should I tell my niece about the mishap?
Suzanne Kingdom, Canterbury
Dear Suzanne,
I'm sure many readers have been pincered by this dilemma. Presents of all kinds are more and more frequently ordered online these days and might well arrive damaged or at the wrong house. If you tell the donor, they'll know that the lovely surprise they planned didn't come off. A replacement sent later isn't the same. The date's been missed. You might feel ungrateful or that you're cast unwillingly in the role of complainer. On the other hand, we can't have delivery personnel going about the country hurling packages wherever they please. Something must be done.
An ideal solution perhaps is that the receiver of the maimed gift is able to contact the online supplier directly and the giver need never know about it. But usually the necessary information isn't available on the packaging. Even if it is, once you get into the territory of refunds and so on, there's a danger something will show up on the donor's credit card statement.
Fundamentally, it is the benefactor who is being deceived. They might carry on using a particular online service for years and never know that all their gifts have been chipped, squashed, lopped in half or dead on arrival, having spent days in a neighbour's garden.
So really you must speak up. In this case you are fortunate: the surprise wasn't completely ruined by any means. But the behaviour of the delivery people was perfectly outrageous. I would only keep mum if you believe the giver will be destroyed that things have not turned out perfectly.
Some donors could get snappy with the person they wished to lavish a gift upon, without meaning to. Or just make too much of a drama. Common sense might be comforting to cling on to, though. It's frustrating that your immaculately planned gifting exercise didn't come off but better in the end that your friend gets an unblemished floral tribute, even if late.
What's more, with increasing frequency we want to buy presents online but it's common knowledge that while the packaging and dispatch are generally top-notch, the actual placing of the item in the hands of the intended is fraught with difficulty. Online businesses must improve their service.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO ABOUT... Easter lunch
You've got to have it. It's a tradition, religious in origin, actually, but you can't escape just because you're of another, or no, faith. God decreed it, no less. That's good enough for me. The Chosen People were to stoke up on roast lamb (not boiled or raw), before dashing out of Egypt for the Promised Land. They were to eat it sitting on their suitcases.So why do we hear of chicken or even beef being offered up as viable Easter options? No! No! No!
You might think: it's nobody's business what goes in and out of my oven on Easter Day. No lamb is hardly the downfall of society as we know it.
How could you? Were you not enraged to see a young man parading in winter's depths without a coat? 'Where's your coat?' you want to scream.
What an affront – is there anything more offensive? Just because a person's activities have no or little impact on anybody else, is hardly a reason to desist from violent objection. Quite the opposite, in fact.