Living with dementia

Read on to win Wendy’s latest book.

When Wendy Mitchell was diagnosed with early-onset dementia at the age of 58 she was in despair. ‘I felt that the end of my life had rushed to meet me,’ she recalls.

There was little information available to her or her family, and she left the hospital with the words ‘there is nothing more we can do’ ringing in her ears.

In fact, though the diagnosis was correct her doctor couldn’t have been more wrong about her future. Almost seven years on, Wendy has written two books about her condition, lives independently and blogs and tweets to more than 4,000 followers, offering guidance and support to those who have dementia or are close to someone who does.

‘Far from it being the end, it was just a different beginning,’ she says. ‘It is not at all helpful to think of dementia as a death sentence. The hardest thing for any human to cope with in life is a lack of control. For those of us living with dementia this is the first thing we are asked to accept. Except this isn’t necessarily true. Dementia has a beginning, a middle and an end, and there is so much living to do if you and those around you adopt a positive approach.’

In the UK dementia now affects one in 14 people over the age of 65 and one in six people over the age of 80. But the treatment and support for those living with the neurological condition often falls far short of ideal.

Wendy spent 20 years as a non-clinical team leader in the NHS before her diagnosis. After she received the shocking news she rapidly realised there was a huge lack of lack of awareness about the disease, both in the community and in hospitals. She decided to spend her time helping to put this right and encouraging people to see that it is possible to live a fulfilling life with dementia.

She is now an ambassador for the Alzheimer’s Society and writes a blog about her experiences called Which Me Am I Today?

In her latest book, What I Wish People Knew About Dementia, she combines moving and powerful anecdotes with the latest research to inform readers how they can continue to live positive, even joyful lives. She explores six key areas of her life that changed following the diagnosis, including her senses, relationships, emotions, environment, communication and attitude, as well as giving plenty of practical tips about adapting to these changes.

‘When you’ve met one person with dementia you’ve simply met one person with dementia,’ says Wendy. ‘We’re as different as we all were before we had it. It’s important to see the person first and not the condition, just as you would for any other disease.’ There are, after all, more than 100 types of dementia.

Wendy, who brought up her two daughters as a single mother after her marriage broke down when they were young, describes the way dementia changes relationships. She talks of the guilt she has felt that her daughters now will have an altered relationship with her. She talks of the ‘haze’ she endures when she has bad days – days when she doesn’t battle the illness but retreats under the duvet.

She writes of her dreams, which are now usually about the past. ‘They return me to a happy period in my life,’ she says. ‘My daughters are always young, usually around six and three. I am a young mum. In my dreams I rarely have dementia, which should be comforting, but then I wake up and find it keeping me company on the pillow.’ Wendy hates the term ‘suffering with dementia’. Instead, she describes it as ‘a new way of living’, and despite the fact it can devastate lives there can be some unexpected pluses.

She says she now lives more in the moment, supported by her daughters. She enjoys walks around her village (she has a tracker device on her phone so her daughters always know where she is) and taking photographs of nature and wildlife.

People diagnosed with dementia are often terrified of what they know will be an uncertain future. But Wendy points out that all our futures are uncertain – the illness just adds another challenge.

‘Dementia has taught me that some things are out of our control, and that anxiety will not help us to do anything about it,’ she says. ‘I have less anger. To know I’ll be happy, sad or content is fine by me – most of the time. ‘I have learned to find pleasure in the smallest of things. Sometimes I wish I could give some of the happiness I have found away.’

We are giving away five copies of Wendy Mitchell’s latest book.

Or send postal entries with your name, address, email if possible and a contact telephone number to Book Giveaway, The Lady, The Kinetic Centre, Theobald Street, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, WD6 4PJ. Entries must be received by 13 April 2023 or they will not be included in the draw.