The Daily: June 13

Unimpressed Ronnie Barker rewrote Lear’s limericks
Edward Lear’s limericks left Ronnie Barker unimpressed, it has emerged. The comedian wrote his very own limerick on the first page of his copy of Lear’s Book of nonsense: “There was an old fossil named Lear, Who’s [sic] verses were boring and drear, his last lines were worse – Just the same as the first! So I’ve tried to improve them on here”. It is signed and dated as November 2001, four years before he died. He then proceeded to changed some of Lear’s original limericks such as: “'There Was An Old Man Of The Dee, who was sadly annoyed by a flea; When he said, “I will scratch it”, they gave him a hatchet, Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee’, where he scribble over the last verse and changed it to “And he cut his leg over at the knee”. In total, he corrected over one hundred limericks. This book was found by John Watts and is expected to fetch £1,500 at an auction.  

Olympic ceremony plans unveiled
Plans for the Olympic opening ceremony entitled “Isles of Wonder”, directed by Danny Boyle, have been announced. The Olympic stadium will be transformed into a mini British countryside, with chickens, horses and sheep placed among the flag bearers and performing artists. There will be a lake, a village cricket match and even artificial rain clouds to deliver a typical British countryside scene. Glastonbury Thor and mosh pits will also be represented either side of the stadium.  Danny Boyle explanied the idea behind the theme: “We’re trying to show the best of us, but were also trying to show many different things about our country.” However, the model as drawn criticism, with some people linking it to a scene out of the Teletubbies.

London is world’s most expensive city for night out
London has been declared the world’s most expensive city for a night out. The combined cost of two cocktails, dinner for two and bottle of wine, a night in a four star hotel and a four mile taxi ride is estimated to be £330, following a survey by TripAdvisor. In Oslo, the second most expensive city, a similar night out would cost £320. Third and fourth most expensive cities are Zurich and Paris, who came first last year. The cheapest of the twenty touristy cities surveyed was Hanoi, Vietnam where a night out costs an average £90. Seven of the ten most expensive cities are European, whereas four of the ten cheapest are in South-east Asia.

“Sorry, you were out” card to be replaced with “Parcel left with neighbour” card
The Royal Mail has decided to put an end to the dreaded “Sorry, you were out” card by lifting the regulations that stopped postmen from leaving parcels with neighbours. This follows a successful trial in 750,000 homes across Wigan, Edinburgh, Norwich and Swansea. This decision has drawn criticism due to fears of damage and theft from untrustworthy neighbours. However, during the trial, The Royal Mail insists that there was not one complaint of a stolen or damaged package. We are entitled to £46 of compensation if such a situation occurs, and you can opt out by ordering a sticker for your front door. These new policies will begin in three-weeks' time.

Business guru Homer Simpson gives his business tips
Homer Simpson is portrayed as a lazy, stupid, incapable man in The Simpsons, but he has been included in a collection of business quotations. His words of advice are: “If you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way” and “The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, boss. Number 3: It was like that when I got here.” The character Sergeant Bilko from the 1960s comedy show Sergeant Bilko is also included for his quote “All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work ”, as is Michael Douglas’ character Gordon Gekko in Wall Street for “Greed, for the lack of a better word, is Good”.