I'm facing my first Mother's Day without my mum

Agony Aunt's picture

Dear Patricia Marie,

I lost my beloved mum just before last Christmas to cancer, and I am having to face my first Mother's Day without her. We always made the day so special and loved spending time together, having fun and just being close to each other. I feel my heart has been truly broken and that I will never recover from this unbearable loss. I am trying to be brave as I have two young children to look after and don't want to be crying around them. I am also struggling to open up to my family and friends, as I feel they can't cope with me being miserable most of the time. How on earth am I going to get through the day while everyone else is celebrating?

Patricia Marie says...

I am so very sorry for your loss and the grief that you are clearly suffering, which can be easily heightened on Mother's Day. Do remember, not everyone will be happily celebrating, and particularly for those, who like yourself, are facing the first one without mum, this could prove to be overwhelming. However, you really must be gentle with yourself and try not to set expectations too high. Plan something that is healing for you, but realise that you will still experience a wide range of emotions. If you can, try to do something positive, and perhaps choose an activity that will help connect you and your mum. Be comforted by looking at photographs of her, revisiting places you know she loved, spraying some of her favourite perfume, or listening to significant pieces of music, to relive those special memories. You may find this upsetting at first, but it will allow you to feel her presence, and as time goes on, it could become your own ritual. Most importantly, don't isolate yourself, and although you may want some quite time alone, your family and friends would want to be helping and supporting you at this time, just as you would want to be there for them if they were hurting. Have you considered buying your mum a Mother's Day card, or have some of her favourite flowers close by, and celebrate this day in your own unique way? Do remember, she may not be here - but is still very much your mum.

For additional help, advice and support, contact: Cruse Bereavement Care: 0844 477 9400 www.cruse.org.uk

Patricia Marie, our Agony Aunt, wants to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quarrels. Just email them to patricia.marie@lady.co.uk