The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 1 November
Dear Thomas,
A neighbour offered to mend a treasured china ornament that I had unfortunately managed to break, so I was delighted. But imagine my horror when the piece was returned with the girl’s arms wonky and glue smears all over her face. I feel like hurling it out of the window and never accepting an offer of help again.
Kitty Evans, Harrogate
Dear Kitty,
First of all, let me save you from despair. Don’t hurl your china statuette. I’m sure the ill-mending can be put right – at a price.
You might also be comforted to know that you are not alone. Many end up regretting that they accepted a favour from family, friends or neighbours. Sorting out the havoc costs even more than a professional repair would have done in the first place – the wrong kind of oil in the car engine; screen wash diluted when it shouldn’t have been; plumbing and electrics in the home messed up. Halfords, the bicycle and car accessories outfit, has carried out a survey, finding that one in six had disastrous experiences with wellmeaning favour-doers.
One in six is not perhaps so many. Should we say ‘no more favours’ on this basis?
Certain know-alls, who force themselves upon you, should be fought off resolutely. Be discriminating. If you allow a friend to fix your electrics, you’re asking for trouble. Plumbing, car mechanics, etc, are not the territory of amateurs. I tentatively suggest that reassembling your figurine might have been better left to a skilled professional. Equally, kind neighbours should not even o ffer to fiddle with your boiler. Recommendations for appropriate experts to help – but keep your hands o ff, please.
Always politely refuse an o ffered favour if you have the slightest doubt. Once you’ve accepted, you’re responsible for the outcome. I don’t want to sound patronising but I am a little astonished at people’s helplessness. Can a car owner really not find out what type of oil the engine calls for? Much favour-gone-wrong misery might be avoided if we were a little less feeble or lazy.
As for being against favours full stop: I do favours for my neighbours and they do favours for me. We take in parcels for each other; keep each others’ keys; switch off raging burglar alarms; water plants; feed cats. It’s a great comfort in the lonely city and enhances security. I like the feeling of usefulness and community. Many think the same, I hear. There is no grinding sense of obligation. It is only natural to try to help people if you can.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 3940 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
Tough luck, I suppose, or even a freak incident, never likely to be repeated. Is it just too bad? If you take starring roles in films, is mud being slung no more than you deserve?
The whole Dame Edna vehicle (I’ve suddenly realised she’s on at the Palladium, must go) lays terrifyingly bare the way our feelings about celebrities veer between mindless adulation and outright abuse. A senior publishing executive once told me that when David Beckham visited his office (they were publishing his biography), he had to be smuggled in and out. If they waited on the street for a taxi, members of the public would come up and hurl insults at him.
Envy: not a very attractive trait, don’t you think?
A neighbour offered to mend a treasured china ornament that I had unfortunately managed to break, so I was delighted. But imagine my horror when the piece was returned with the girl’s arms wonky and glue smears all over her face. I feel like hurling it out of the window and never accepting an offer of help again.
Kitty Evans, Harrogate
Dear Kitty,
First of all, let me save you from despair. Don’t hurl your china statuette. I’m sure the ill-mending can be put right – at a price.
You might also be comforted to know that you are not alone. Many end up regretting that they accepted a favour from family, friends or neighbours. Sorting out the havoc costs even more than a professional repair would have done in the first place – the wrong kind of oil in the car engine; screen wash diluted when it shouldn’t have been; plumbing and electrics in the home messed up. Halfords, the bicycle and car accessories outfit, has carried out a survey, finding that one in six had disastrous experiences with wellmeaning favour-doers.
One in six is not perhaps so many. Should we say ‘no more favours’ on this basis?
Certain know-alls, who force themselves upon you, should be fought off resolutely. Be discriminating. If you allow a friend to fix your electrics, you’re asking for trouble. Plumbing, car mechanics, etc, are not the territory of amateurs. I tentatively suggest that reassembling your figurine might have been better left to a skilled professional. Equally, kind neighbours should not even o ffer to fiddle with your boiler. Recommendations for appropriate experts to help – but keep your hands o ff, please.
Always politely refuse an o ffered favour if you have the slightest doubt. Once you’ve accepted, you’re responsible for the outcome. I don’t want to sound patronising but I am a little astonished at people’s helplessness. Can a car owner really not find out what type of oil the engine calls for? Much favour-gone-wrong misery might be avoided if we were a little less feeble or lazy.
As for being against favours full stop: I do favours for my neighbours and they do favours for me. We take in parcels for each other; keep each others’ keys; switch off raging burglar alarms; water plants; feed cats. It’s a great comfort in the lonely city and enhances security. I like the feeling of usefulness and community. Many think the same, I hear. There is no grinding sense of obligation. It is only natural to try to help people if you can.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 3940 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO IF… YOU CRITICISE AN ACTOR
A ballet connoisseur went to see Natalie Portman in Black Swan, the fabulous anti-ballet movie, an orgy of Grand Guignol. Afterwards, in a restaurant, he loudly denounced the star’s credibility as a ballerina: arms all wrong, etc. At a nearby table, a woman turned sharply. It was her.Tough luck, I suppose, or even a freak incident, never likely to be repeated. Is it just too bad? If you take starring roles in films, is mud being slung no more than you deserve?
The whole Dame Edna vehicle (I’ve suddenly realised she’s on at the Palladium, must go) lays terrifyingly bare the way our feelings about celebrities veer between mindless adulation and outright abuse. A senior publishing executive once told me that when David Beckham visited his office (they were publishing his biography), he had to be smuggled in and out. If they waited on the street for a taxi, members of the public would come up and hurl insults at him.
Envy: not a very attractive trait, don’t you think?