The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 10 January
Dear Thomas,
How can I stop my friend Carole bringing her cat when she comes to stay? She insists. A dog I could understand, but a cat! Is this a new trend I don’t know about?
Esther Montgomery, Rickmansworth
Dear Esther,
It’s a good idea to take your cat about with you as much as possible. At a film premiere she can function as superb living neckwear, before bolting away to catch mice in the nether regions of the cinema. Take kitty to a dinner and she will run away, requiring all the guests to scuttle about looking for her. With luck, the entire dinner will have to be abandoned. Ideal if you’re on a January diet. Hosts who want the aura of dinner giving but can’t stand cooking could get an intimate to bring their cat along for this purpose. Ideally, the cat should be one of those furious blue things with yellow eyes that is guaranteed to be frightfully neurotic and certain to bolt.
Seriously, I always thought that cats couldn’t travel and if taken to Australia would immediately set out to from whence they came, even if it was Stoke Newington. But modern cats appear to be more adaptable. Some friends of mine used to take their British blue to Normandy every summer, where he pottered about catching mice and even stayed out at night.
So you might just possibly be able to contemplate having Carole’s cat to stay. But the first step would be to establish whether it is an experienced traveller and able to adapt, because not all can.
On the whole I’d rather have a cat visitor than a dog, if there were outdoor space. Cats don’t smell and are better at minding their own business. All the same, proceed with caution. Demand to see a photograph; if it’s pedigree or got a nasty squashed face, then watch out. Ask what it eats. Warning sign – tinned salmon. It’ll be spoilt. Ask where it goes at night – ideally out. Has it been ‘seen to’, is it intelligent? What sex is it? (Remember, male cats are morons.) A handsome self-sufficient lady moggie (I like a marmalade cat myself or a really good tabby), non-cat-tray using (they’re awful), and of good intelligence, could be an asset in your home.
More important, perhaps, is the owner. People either have a robust, no-nonsense attitude to their pets (‘kick her o the sofa if you don’t want her there’) or they’re idiotic about them. If Carole shows the tiniest sign of crazed preciousness over her cat, then don’t let her, or it, within a million miles of your home. Telltale signs are giving them presents and celebrating their birthday. Also an excessive preoccupation with grooming and any pet-pampering parlour nonsense.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
I was intrigued by Oliver Burkeman’s article in The Guardian about precisely this. He has a friend only ever heard from via postcard that says ‘Best wishes’, nothing more. Burkeman feels that friendships fade away because we wait until we have something important to say and that day never comes. ‘Raise your standards when it comes to frequency of contact, but lower them when it comes to what that contact contains,’ he says.
A little wave is better than nothing at all. But some people have rather grandiose or tragic notions. Friendship must be intense or why bother? Contingency they find hard to accept. Old friends have ‘moved on’ or drifted off somewhere (or even moved to the other end of the country). Who knows, wouldn’t they be only too delighted to drift back again, if prompted?
How can I stop my friend Carole bringing her cat when she comes to stay? She insists. A dog I could understand, but a cat! Is this a new trend I don’t know about?
Esther Montgomery, Rickmansworth
Dear Esther,
It’s a good idea to take your cat about with you as much as possible. At a film premiere she can function as superb living neckwear, before bolting away to catch mice in the nether regions of the cinema. Take kitty to a dinner and she will run away, requiring all the guests to scuttle about looking for her. With luck, the entire dinner will have to be abandoned. Ideal if you’re on a January diet. Hosts who want the aura of dinner giving but can’t stand cooking could get an intimate to bring their cat along for this purpose. Ideally, the cat should be one of those furious blue things with yellow eyes that is guaranteed to be frightfully neurotic and certain to bolt.
Seriously, I always thought that cats couldn’t travel and if taken to Australia would immediately set out to from whence they came, even if it was Stoke Newington. But modern cats appear to be more adaptable. Some friends of mine used to take their British blue to Normandy every summer, where he pottered about catching mice and even stayed out at night.
So you might just possibly be able to contemplate having Carole’s cat to stay. But the first step would be to establish whether it is an experienced traveller and able to adapt, because not all can.
On the whole I’d rather have a cat visitor than a dog, if there were outdoor space. Cats don’t smell and are better at minding their own business. All the same, proceed with caution. Demand to see a photograph; if it’s pedigree or got a nasty squashed face, then watch out. Ask what it eats. Warning sign – tinned salmon. It’ll be spoilt. Ask where it goes at night – ideally out. Has it been ‘seen to’, is it intelligent? What sex is it? (Remember, male cats are morons.) A handsome self-sufficient lady moggie (I like a marmalade cat myself or a really good tabby), non-cat-tray using (they’re awful), and of good intelligence, could be an asset in your home.
More important, perhaps, is the owner. People either have a robust, no-nonsense attitude to their pets (‘kick her o the sofa if you don’t want her there’) or they’re idiotic about them. If Carole shows the tiniest sign of crazed preciousness over her cat, then don’t let her, or it, within a million miles of your home. Telltale signs are giving them presents and celebrating their birthday. Also an excessive preoccupation with grooming and any pet-pampering parlour nonsense.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO ABOUT… LONGLOST FRIENDS
Perhaps, after yet again exchanging Christmas cards with people you haven’t heard from since you traded cards the year before, you’ve made a New Year resolution. This time you really are going to get in touch properly.I was intrigued by Oliver Burkeman’s article in The Guardian about precisely this. He has a friend only ever heard from via postcard that says ‘Best wishes’, nothing more. Burkeman feels that friendships fade away because we wait until we have something important to say and that day never comes. ‘Raise your standards when it comes to frequency of contact, but lower them when it comes to what that contact contains,’ he says.
A little wave is better than nothing at all. But some people have rather grandiose or tragic notions. Friendship must be intense or why bother? Contingency they find hard to accept. Old friends have ‘moved on’ or drifted off somewhere (or even moved to the other end of the country). Who knows, wouldn’t they be only too delighted to drift back again, if prompted?