The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 12 December
Dear Thomas,
I’m convinced – though I couldn’t tell you why – that this year I’m going to get an unexpected visitor for Christmas. What shall I do?
Alison Nicholson, Cheltenham
Dear Alison,
What if it’s the Queen? You’re quite right, though – we think of Christmas as a time when the family is huddled like emperor penguins in the Antarctic, keeping cosy against the winter storms. But no: often we are called upon to give shelter to a ‘stray’, either one literally stranded by ice and snow or a friend or acquaintance whose plans fall through at the last minute. Think of the first Christmas and also Good King Wenceslas.
If your surprise guest is the Queen, it will not be di fficult to make her feel at home. On an uncomplaining visit to a Midlands stately home in the 1940s, grass was on the menu and there was no plumbing. Hang your Christmas cards on old clothes horses as she does: ideal for ease of transport, when you move to one of your other houses for New Year.
Gifts should be simple: a gold hot-water bottle, for instance. Prince Harry is supposed to have given her a bath cap with ‘Ain’t life a bitch’ written on it. Mrs Thatcher gave her Marigolds, after she saw the Queen washing up at Balmoral without them. But remember that presents are opened on Christmas Eve because Christmas Day is strictly religious. Erect trestle tables in your ballroom and designate a section for each guest.
The Queen is also interested in washing floors, so floor cleaner would be welcome. You might want to continue the campaign to break the iron tyranny imposed by her former dresser, Bobo MacDonald, of only black accessories ever, even with pale outfits. Hardy Amies gave her a white handbag deliberately. Another time he and Freddie Fox gave her a hat of chinchilla. She said she would not normally accept such an expensive gift but couldn’t resist.
Don’t forget to organise a presentation of gifts ceremony for your own servants at some point. They will have selected beforehand from a list but you must be sure to know their names and have a brief personal word. Your female staff will wear white gloves.
Christmas dinner can be as normal, except there should be a lemon sole course (substitute tin of tuna if the Queen arrived after the shops shut). You’ll have to have it at lunchtime because you must be ready for the group viewing of the Christmas broadcast at 3pm.
Should the Queen, or any other unexpected guest, linger for days, resort to TV or radio: the Queen likes old episodes of Much Binding In The Marsh. Also, you can drive round paying Christmas visits to your tenants in their homes, as Queen Mary did at Sandringham.
Please send your questions to thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
What, though, if the warring factions are flung together by chance this year? Really triumphant is if the one who feels they are the most wronged enthusiastically embraces the other and makes a lunch date with the new partner. Failing that, good put-downs are called for. ‘Forgotten but not forgiven,’ is my favourite. Be inspired by actress Coral Browne. She suggested the ideal part for her then husband in King Lear: ‘A small camp near Dover.’
I’m convinced – though I couldn’t tell you why – that this year I’m going to get an unexpected visitor for Christmas. What shall I do?
Alison Nicholson, Cheltenham
Dear Alison,
What if it’s the Queen? You’re quite right, though – we think of Christmas as a time when the family is huddled like emperor penguins in the Antarctic, keeping cosy against the winter storms. But no: often we are called upon to give shelter to a ‘stray’, either one literally stranded by ice and snow or a friend or acquaintance whose plans fall through at the last minute. Think of the first Christmas and also Good King Wenceslas.
If your surprise guest is the Queen, it will not be di fficult to make her feel at home. On an uncomplaining visit to a Midlands stately home in the 1940s, grass was on the menu and there was no plumbing. Hang your Christmas cards on old clothes horses as she does: ideal for ease of transport, when you move to one of your other houses for New Year.
Gifts should be simple: a gold hot-water bottle, for instance. Prince Harry is supposed to have given her a bath cap with ‘Ain’t life a bitch’ written on it. Mrs Thatcher gave her Marigolds, after she saw the Queen washing up at Balmoral without them. But remember that presents are opened on Christmas Eve because Christmas Day is strictly religious. Erect trestle tables in your ballroom and designate a section for each guest.
The Queen is also interested in washing floors, so floor cleaner would be welcome. You might want to continue the campaign to break the iron tyranny imposed by her former dresser, Bobo MacDonald, of only black accessories ever, even with pale outfits. Hardy Amies gave her a white handbag deliberately. Another time he and Freddie Fox gave her a hat of chinchilla. She said she would not normally accept such an expensive gift but couldn’t resist.
Don’t forget to organise a presentation of gifts ceremony for your own servants at some point. They will have selected beforehand from a list but you must be sure to know their names and have a brief personal word. Your female staff will wear white gloves.
Christmas dinner can be as normal, except there should be a lemon sole course (substitute tin of tuna if the Queen arrived after the shops shut). You’ll have to have it at lunchtime because you must be ready for the group viewing of the Christmas broadcast at 3pm.
Should the Queen, or any other unexpected guest, linger for days, resort to TV or radio: the Queen likes old episodes of Much Binding In The Marsh. Also, you can drive round paying Christmas visits to your tenants in their homes, as Queen Mary did at Sandringham.
Please send your questions to thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO ABOUT… EX PARTNERS
It’s a dilemma that comes to the fore at this time of year, during all the parties and gatherings. Many divorced couples these days are best friends. The modern extended family is no longer aunts and cousins but ex-partners, their new partners, their new partners’ children by their former partners, as well as any fresh kiddies they’ve generated themselves. But occasionally the exes are well and truly ex. Absolutely no speaks, mortar guns swivelling if they’re within 100 miles of each other. Which one do you invite to your new year’s party? Why both, of course. But tell them what you’ve done. They can squabble between themselves as to which one is coming.What, though, if the warring factions are flung together by chance this year? Really triumphant is if the one who feels they are the most wronged enthusiastically embraces the other and makes a lunch date with the new partner. Failing that, good put-downs are called for. ‘Forgotten but not forgiven,’ is my favourite. Be inspired by actress Coral Browne. She suggested the ideal part for her then husband in King Lear: ‘A small camp near Dover.’