The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 13 December

Fancy a change this Christmas without flying in the face of tradition? Thomas Blaikie has the solution…
Dear Thomas,
Previously you have said that Christmas must always be the same. Is this still your view and wouldn’t it be rather dull? Also, I hear you call it Christmas dinner even when it’s lunch.
Nolene Davy, Southsea

Dear Nolene,
I must admit I’m a maniac for a traditional Christmas. You are right to point out that this is my view. The traditional Christmas, by which I mean traditional to my family, is what I like to think I’ve always been having.

Christmas cards should abound. Send out a sack-load. I’ve sought ‘original’ cards for years but really as long as the picture’s not actually nasty… Portrait is better than landscape, which do the splits and knock over the others.

The day itself: we have our Christmas dinner at lunchtime (yes, you can, indeed must, call it ‘dinner’ even if it’s lunch) and there’s never a ‚first course. We complain about the heaviness of the Christmas pudding, but always have it. Sprouts and mash are de rigueur, roast potatoes unheard of. Presents are opened after dinner, then some more on Boxing Day.

At one time, Boxing Day was for presents (hence its name). Christmas Day was religious, without presents. Until at least the early 19th century it was a normal day, with a break for church.

So what is tradition? Now that I think about it, we gave up turkey some years ago. My aunt, who cooks, said that at 85 she no longer cared to have a bird. One year we had an Ottolenghi chicken dish – not even British! I’ve taken to doing a miniature Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve instead. This is radical. But, if you’re cooking, probably better to sweep away the turkey entirely than ‚fiddle about with whatever’s traditional in your family. No sprouts! The wrong stu•ffings! There will be a scene. Scour The Lady for clever twists to your dinner, but avoid fanci‚fication.

The personnel at dinner can change. If you’re weary of the small family circle, invite outsiders or a lonely person (but don’t let on that you feel sorry for them). We’ve done this once or twice and it was fascinating. Strangers seem to give more of themselves than usual. The in-house diners respond well to the demands of the situation: just what is needed to avoid Christmas inertia.

You can give people the same present every year – if you know it’s what they like. Novelty presents are the last thing we want. Re-gifting is all right if you own up and give them something else (small) as well.

So my conclusion for the time being is: Christmas may change but should not appear to do so. Think of the Queen.

Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER

THE PROBLEM OF… CHRISTMAS CONVERSATION

Conversation at Christmas can often plummet to an all-time low. The neverending build-up and the vastness of the occasion both exhaust and overwhelm. What can you say?

The family gathers. Rellies not seen since last Christmas ask, as they did 12 months before, ‘How long are you down for?’

‘Going back tomorrow,’ you reply. End of the affair. But the cure is simple. Don’t eat and drink to stupefaction, and don’t give your guests the chance. Do a bit of prep in the previous days. Prepare topics. Holidays are good, or Christmas television. Expect to make an effort with a hard-to-follow elderly uncle and his war stories. You will get your reward in Heaven.

Above all, avoid, as always with those rarely seen, the daunting open questions: ‘What have you been up to recently?’; ‘What’s the latest?’ etc. Nobody can think of anything to say. Much better (where relevant): ‘Have you knitted anything recently?’; ‘How did your hydrangeas do this year?’