The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 24 May
Dear Thomas,
What do you do if someone says they love their pet more than any human? I couldn’t believe it when a close friend made this declaration. I was hurt to say the least. And what about her husband? By the way, I’m not a fan of her yappy dog.
Carmen Bignall, Taunton
Dear Carmen,
I have to be careful. As a non-pet lover I could become a hate figure at any moment. It’s the hairs, you see, especially the ones that actually get embedded in your jacket and have to be surgically removed.
Now, as it happens, DiscountVouchers.co.uk has very thoughtfully carried out a survey of 1,253 pet owners (this is quite a large sample for a survey, so we must listen carefully), the astonishing, or perhaps not so astonishing, result of which is: 19 per cent love their pets more than their partner, 35 per cent sometimes do and 38 per cent claimed to spend more time with their pet than with any human.
Possessors of pets are more likely to have pet insurance than life insurance for themselves and 49 per cent buy their pets presents whenever they feel like it. Of those surveyed, dogs proved to be the premier pet, followed by cats; reptiles are now more popular than birds – which explains the distressing absence of people saying, ‘We’re going on holiday so we’d better flush the budgie down the toilet.’
Terrible taste: I’m lifting from a Monty Python sketch in which this procedure was discussed before the Pythonites set out to find Jean-Paul Sartre.
The truth is, though, that budgies, like hamsters, are the ideal pet if you want to teach your children about death, owing to their flair for dying reliably about two months after acquisition (the pets, I mean, not the children).
Which brings me back to the point: I understand fully, Carmen, your pain at your friend’s preference for her silly dog over you. On the other hand, we have to try to see it from her point of view. The creature adores her and, ideally, hates everyone else. If it has an accident or barks incessantly, it is only a poor little dog that knows no better. It can either be indulged or corrected, after which it will respond in some way or other.
What it won’t do is fail to be quite as enthusiastic about the play as she is, not be available on Thursdays or Fridays, dunk its biscuits or have an annoying mania of Barbra Streisand.
Above all, its death, when the sad time comes, will be peaceful and beautifully managed by your friend and the vet. Then, after a suitable period of grief, she can get another creature.
On the whole, it’s surprising that a preference for pets over humans isn’t more widespread.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
But if you rush into summer clothes you’ll be cold – you can be sure of it. Remember how often Her Majesty the Queen, in pre-PC days, would drive up the course at Ascot Races wearing a little mink jacket. And Ascot (‘Ascut’, please, not ‘AsCOT’) is early June, always has been.
We’ve seen less of it recently, but it is annoying in town centres that if there’s just one ray of sunshine, so many immediately assume beachwear. Men in shorts and flip-flops anywhere but the remotest resort, I absolutely denounce. Ideally men should wear white tie and tails on all occasions, even when dining alone with their wives.
Comfortable leisurewear, at its worst in summer form, is the great disaster of our age. Clothes may have many manifold purposes, but comfort isn’t one of them.
What do you do if someone says they love their pet more than any human? I couldn’t believe it when a close friend made this declaration. I was hurt to say the least. And what about her husband? By the way, I’m not a fan of her yappy dog.
Carmen Bignall, Taunton
Dear Carmen,
I have to be careful. As a non-pet lover I could become a hate figure at any moment. It’s the hairs, you see, especially the ones that actually get embedded in your jacket and have to be surgically removed.
Now, as it happens, DiscountVouchers.co.uk has very thoughtfully carried out a survey of 1,253 pet owners (this is quite a large sample for a survey, so we must listen carefully), the astonishing, or perhaps not so astonishing, result of which is: 19 per cent love their pets more than their partner, 35 per cent sometimes do and 38 per cent claimed to spend more time with their pet than with any human.
Possessors of pets are more likely to have pet insurance than life insurance for themselves and 49 per cent buy their pets presents whenever they feel like it. Of those surveyed, dogs proved to be the premier pet, followed by cats; reptiles are now more popular than birds – which explains the distressing absence of people saying, ‘We’re going on holiday so we’d better flush the budgie down the toilet.’
Terrible taste: I’m lifting from a Monty Python sketch in which this procedure was discussed before the Pythonites set out to find Jean-Paul Sartre.
The truth is, though, that budgies, like hamsters, are the ideal pet if you want to teach your children about death, owing to their flair for dying reliably about two months after acquisition (the pets, I mean, not the children).
Which brings me back to the point: I understand fully, Carmen, your pain at your friend’s preference for her silly dog over you. On the other hand, we have to try to see it from her point of view. The creature adores her and, ideally, hates everyone else. If it has an accident or barks incessantly, it is only a poor little dog that knows no better. It can either be indulged or corrected, after which it will respond in some way or other.
What it won’t do is fail to be quite as enthusiastic about the play as she is, not be available on Thursdays or Fridays, dunk its biscuits or have an annoying mania of Barbra Streisand.
Above all, its death, when the sad time comes, will be peaceful and beautifully managed by your friend and the vet. Then, after a suitable period of grief, she can get another creature.
On the whole, it’s surprising that a preference for pets over humans isn’t more widespread.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO… if you’ve rushed into summer clothes
I issue my annual warning. As with young men on the street in freezing January with no overcoat, it gives great pleasure to object to light cottons in pastel shades worn before June, not despite but because it’s none of my business. You can’t say the fabric of society is threatened.But if you rush into summer clothes you’ll be cold – you can be sure of it. Remember how often Her Majesty the Queen, in pre-PC days, would drive up the course at Ascot Races wearing a little mink jacket. And Ascot (‘Ascut’, please, not ‘AsCOT’) is early June, always has been.
We’ve seen less of it recently, but it is annoying in town centres that if there’s just one ray of sunshine, so many immediately assume beachwear. Men in shorts and flip-flops anywhere but the remotest resort, I absolutely denounce. Ideally men should wear white tie and tails on all occasions, even when dining alone with their wives.
Comfortable leisurewear, at its worst in summer form, is the great disaster of our age. Clothes may have many manifold purposes, but comfort isn’t one of them.