The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 25 April
Dear Thomas,
New people have recently moved into the flat below ours. They seem nice but have taken to leaving their shoes (there are three of them) outside in the narrow communal hallway. No one else does this and the encroachment on the neutral space is beginning to bother me. I don’t want to come across as nagging or grumpy. What do you suggest?
Natalia Webster, London
Dear Natalia,
Many readers tell me of similar problems that I categorise as arising from too much proximity. If only we all had our own 10,000- acre county estates. Or at least a detached London mansion behind a wall in Chelsea. But even the Queen, when she first went to live at Buckingham Palace in 1936, ran the risk of meeting the private postman in her dressing gown. He plied a corridor between her bedroom and bathroom.
My friend objects to the Hello Kitty umbrella of a neighbouring little girl, often left open in the common parts of his block of flats. Others encounter pushchairs and bicycles. Even if you’re blessed with a terraced house of your own, the sailing isn’t plain. Neighbours store their rubbish in bags in the front area, foxes rip up the bags – horrid debris gets strewn everywhere for general viewing.
The leases in many apartment buildings stipulate that corridors and stairways must on no account be obstructed in case of fire. Shoes in the common parts might not lead to death by fire – interesting that the Eastern European custom of removing shoes before entering is taking hold here – but I can well imagine that yours is not the only narrow communal hallway where they are just in the way.
So there’s no choice but to take action. Bad behaviour in new occupants must be stamped out before it proliferates. But how to remain neighbourly and nice?
Certainly don’t come on strong about the lease and any legal requirements. That won’t go down well. You could try a prank. Knock on the door and say: ‘If you don’t want these shoes, would it help if I took them to Oxfam?’
Better, though, to explain that there’s a very nice man in the building (since they’re new they won’t know any better) who sometimes gets drunk. You’re worried he’ll come home late and lurch and trample all over their shoes, or even kick them about.
In fact, you’ve been rather unsteady yourself a few times, and with space so tight you’ve been terrified you’d step on the shoes and scratch or crush them and they’d be ruined. So really wouldn’t it be better if their gorgeous shoes were inside their flat where no harm can come to them?
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
The hugging movement began some years ago. Heads of wellbeing at nice schools throughout the land held assemblies that promoted hugging. Young people of both sexes now hug on meeting, on parting and at every misfortune or triumph that occurs in between. Some of the hugging (but don’t say I said so) is perfunctory. It’s become an unthinking reflex action.
But what if you don’t want to hug or be hugged? Are you emotionally arrested? To hugging enthusiasts, the notion that hugging might not always be appropriate or desirable, that it might be a bit silly and ridiculous, doesn’t occur. It’s about time it did.
New people have recently moved into the flat below ours. They seem nice but have taken to leaving their shoes (there are three of them) outside in the narrow communal hallway. No one else does this and the encroachment on the neutral space is beginning to bother me. I don’t want to come across as nagging or grumpy. What do you suggest?
Natalia Webster, London
Dear Natalia,
Many readers tell me of similar problems that I categorise as arising from too much proximity. If only we all had our own 10,000- acre county estates. Or at least a detached London mansion behind a wall in Chelsea. But even the Queen, when she first went to live at Buckingham Palace in 1936, ran the risk of meeting the private postman in her dressing gown. He plied a corridor between her bedroom and bathroom.
My friend objects to the Hello Kitty umbrella of a neighbouring little girl, often left open in the common parts of his block of flats. Others encounter pushchairs and bicycles. Even if you’re blessed with a terraced house of your own, the sailing isn’t plain. Neighbours store their rubbish in bags in the front area, foxes rip up the bags – horrid debris gets strewn everywhere for general viewing.
The leases in many apartment buildings stipulate that corridors and stairways must on no account be obstructed in case of fire. Shoes in the common parts might not lead to death by fire – interesting that the Eastern European custom of removing shoes before entering is taking hold here – but I can well imagine that yours is not the only narrow communal hallway where they are just in the way.
So there’s no choice but to take action. Bad behaviour in new occupants must be stamped out before it proliferates. But how to remain neighbourly and nice?
Certainly don’t come on strong about the lease and any legal requirements. That won’t go down well. You could try a prank. Knock on the door and say: ‘If you don’t want these shoes, would it help if I took them to Oxfam?’
Better, though, to explain that there’s a very nice man in the building (since they’re new they won’t know any better) who sometimes gets drunk. You’re worried he’ll come home late and lurch and trample all over their shoes, or even kick them about.
In fact, you’ve been rather unsteady yourself a few times, and with space so tight you’ve been terrified you’d step on the shoes and scratch or crush them and they’d be ruined. So really wouldn’t it be better if their gorgeous shoes were inside their flat where no harm can come to them?
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO ABOUT… THE HUGGING TREND
I sat next to someone at dinner the other day who alerted me to a new trend. Someone you’re with, not necessarily an intimate or close friend, will say, ‘I want a hug’. So you have to hug them. Then they say, ‘You’re not doing it right,’ which means your hug lacks conviction and sincerity. An alternative scenario is that it is suddenly decided by another person that you are to be hugged. So you get hugged.The hugging movement began some years ago. Heads of wellbeing at nice schools throughout the land held assemblies that promoted hugging. Young people of both sexes now hug on meeting, on parting and at every misfortune or triumph that occurs in between. Some of the hugging (but don’t say I said so) is perfunctory. It’s become an unthinking reflex action.
But what if you don’t want to hug or be hugged? Are you emotionally arrested? To hugging enthusiasts, the notion that hugging might not always be appropriate or desirable, that it might be a bit silly and ridiculous, doesn’t occur. It’s about time it did.