The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 3 January
Dear Thomas,
My friend Marlene has given up drink for January. I don’t know why but I find this irritating. Is it very wrong of me? She is making quite a thing of it.
Guinevere Herdman, Sawbridgeworth
Dear Guinevere,
I know a lot of people who favour post-Christmas abstinence, very often in parallel with a January diet. And yes, I have to admit, I resent it too. Why is this – guilt?
How many of us have just a teeny bit of a wonky relationship with alcohol, drinking more than we ought to on occasion and knowing it? Or are unable to resist when we’ve got work to do the next day? If that very remarkable organisation, Alcoholics Anonymous, had its way, we would all be alcoholics.
So we should question our annoyance with those who give up. They’ve made us uncomfortably aware of our own bad habits perhaps. And we should forgive their self-righteous promotion of their abstinence.
It is an achievement, after all and it’s taking up all their time, as Thora Hird once said in Pat And Margaret, a Victoria Wood film for television, which was broadcast in the mid 1990s. Like all New Year resolutions, it’s a sprightly start for us all to enjoy.
On the other hand, what is the idea behind relinquishing for just one month or six weeks? If part of a scheme to lose weight, then it makes sense. But otherwise, I’m not so sure.
If I may be rather frank, in my experience, those who go in for holidays from the sauce tend to be the ones who are too keen on a drop generally. More people are ‘problem drinkers’ than might appear. I think the giveaway is when there’s a distinct change of personality under the influence, with aggressive tendencies emerging, or paranoia or incredible argumentativeness, otherwise not apparent. Some drink very little to get like this. So they give up for a month to convince themselves that there’s nothing wrong. Then resume.
No doubt their health benefits, although there’s doubt amongst doctors, as with dieting, about all this topsy-turvy carry-on.
Not for nothing has alcohol been the oil of social life for centuries. Abstainers can’t join in and, unfairly, we resent this. Why can’t we all drink in moderation all the time? How quickly drink turns from the oil to the bane of social life. Flat out on the floor or lurching and abusive, you’re no use to anybody. But what can you do?
If they’ve given up for a month when really they should give up for good, just as with the raving drunkard, no amount of lecturing will do any good.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
Once, in an exclusive designer boutique, I heard one superbly coiffed shop boy say to another: ‘Now we’ve got to put up with this scrum, killing each other for bargains.’
I turned, glared and said, ‘We pay your wages.’ I thought better of adding, ‘meagre as they no doubt are.’
You mustn’t put up with it. Be bold! Phone up the most precious boutique in your area and say, ‘When’s your sale starting?’ Forge in, sit down and make them bring you things. Complain about the prices and ask when further reductions will be forthcoming. A friend of mine gets discounts at Harvey Nichols in Leeds at non-sale time – just by asking. As for your friends, they’re feeble. They haven’t the heroism for the sales. Why pay £100 when you can get it for £50? Nonsensical.
My friend Marlene has given up drink for January. I don’t know why but I find this irritating. Is it very wrong of me? She is making quite a thing of it.
Guinevere Herdman, Sawbridgeworth
Dear Guinevere,
I know a lot of people who favour post-Christmas abstinence, very often in parallel with a January diet. And yes, I have to admit, I resent it too. Why is this – guilt?
How many of us have just a teeny bit of a wonky relationship with alcohol, drinking more than we ought to on occasion and knowing it? Or are unable to resist when we’ve got work to do the next day? If that very remarkable organisation, Alcoholics Anonymous, had its way, we would all be alcoholics.
So we should question our annoyance with those who give up. They’ve made us uncomfortably aware of our own bad habits perhaps. And we should forgive their self-righteous promotion of their abstinence.
It is an achievement, after all and it’s taking up all their time, as Thora Hird once said in Pat And Margaret, a Victoria Wood film for television, which was broadcast in the mid 1990s. Like all New Year resolutions, it’s a sprightly start for us all to enjoy.
On the other hand, what is the idea behind relinquishing for just one month or six weeks? If part of a scheme to lose weight, then it makes sense. But otherwise, I’m not so sure.
If I may be rather frank, in my experience, those who go in for holidays from the sauce tend to be the ones who are too keen on a drop generally. More people are ‘problem drinkers’ than might appear. I think the giveaway is when there’s a distinct change of personality under the influence, with aggressive tendencies emerging, or paranoia or incredible argumentativeness, otherwise not apparent. Some drink very little to get like this. So they give up for a month to convince themselves that there’s nothing wrong. Then resume.
No doubt their health benefits, although there’s doubt amongst doctors, as with dieting, about all this topsy-turvy carry-on.
Not for nothing has alcohol been the oil of social life for centuries. Abstainers can’t join in and, unfairly, we resent this. Why can’t we all drink in moderation all the time? How quickly drink turns from the oil to the bane of social life. Flat out on the floor or lurching and abusive, you’re no use to anybody. But what can you do?
If they’ve given up for a month when really they should give up for good, just as with the raving drunkard, no amount of lecturing will do any good.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO ABOUT… RUDE SALES STAFF
The January sales! Many of you will have already been foraging in China and Glass and then up to Bed Linen. But do your friends sneer? Do they say, ‘Oh I never go to sales, I can’t bear crowds’? Worst of all, do you sense contempt from the store assistants?Once, in an exclusive designer boutique, I heard one superbly coiffed shop boy say to another: ‘Now we’ve got to put up with this scrum, killing each other for bargains.’
I turned, glared and said, ‘We pay your wages.’ I thought better of adding, ‘meagre as they no doubt are.’
You mustn’t put up with it. Be bold! Phone up the most precious boutique in your area and say, ‘When’s your sale starting?’ Forge in, sit down and make them bring you things. Complain about the prices and ask when further reductions will be forthcoming. A friend of mine gets discounts at Harvey Nichols in Leeds at non-sale time – just by asking. As for your friends, they’re feeble. They haven’t the heroism for the sales. Why pay £100 when you can get it for £50? Nonsensical.