The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 4 October
Dear Thomas,
I hear that a Russian model, Katia Elizarova, now resident in Chelsea and about to star in a TV show called Meet The Russians, thinks that British men have bad manners. Before that, I was getting steamed up about a chart that’s gone viral on the internet, claiming to expose the truth behind British politeness. It lists gracious phrases we use routinely and then ‘translates’ them. So when we say ‘with the greatest respect’ we really mean ‘I think you are an idiot’. Do we indeed? I’m annoyed. Why won’t they leave us alone?
Harry Abrahams, Newbury
Dear Harry,
I couldn’t agree with you more. The internet chart first of all: whoever cooked it up must have an exceptionally vague acquaintance with the British. Many of the phrases supposedly in constant use have never been heard on our acreage: ‘I almost agree’; ‘That is a very brave proposal’; ‘Could we consider some other options?’
Options! This is management speak. Probably American. No proper British man or woman would go within a million miles of such a word. (Now I shall have to go through all my old columns and cross out this term, rather as Nancy Mitford hurriedly removed all the ‘mirrors’ and ‘mantelpieces’.)
If potential visitors to our country believe what they read, they’re going to be highly bewildered when they get here. Otherwise the chart gloriously misses the point. I can’t believe that other nationalities do not employ nuance and understatement. Have you visited many territories where people carry on as the ‘translations’ of British restraint and forbearance suggest? Where they say, ‘I think you’re an idiot’ or ‘what you’re saying is nonsense’?
There’s a smug undertow to this chart, which implies that we’re hypocrites and that it would be better if we spoke our minds.
That ‘I only have a few minor comments’ does not equal ‘please rewrite completely’ is measured by a simple test. Imagine you are the one being addressed. It might turn out that ‘I only have a few minor comments’ does not quite mean what it says but what would have been the impact on you of ‘please rewrite completely’? Fury and hysterics. Whereas the first, more stealthy approach, is much more likely to produce a happy rewrite.
As for the Russian model and heiress Katia Elizarova, her idea appears to be that British men have woefully bad manners because they fail to open doors and pay the bills for their womenfolk, and, if sharing with a girlfriend, demand half the rent. Mental. Why so many column inches devoted?
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
Finnemore says: ‘I remember a time before phones did that and it feels rude to admit I know who’s calling before they announce themselves.’ Roar of approval from audience.
Is he right? At times I feel anxious that someone will think I’m a stalker because I’ve stored their number or that the other person will be outraged that their number isn’t stored. My impression is that most people answer the phone in the manner of the precaller ID era – ie, they avoid the issue.
If the caller announces themselves, they don’t say, ‘I know it’s you.’ Nor does the caller quibble, ‘But you know it’s me. You’ve got my number stored.’ There’s a charm to this pretence that people seem to have arrived at without thinking about it very much.
I hear that a Russian model, Katia Elizarova, now resident in Chelsea and about to star in a TV show called Meet The Russians, thinks that British men have bad manners. Before that, I was getting steamed up about a chart that’s gone viral on the internet, claiming to expose the truth behind British politeness. It lists gracious phrases we use routinely and then ‘translates’ them. So when we say ‘with the greatest respect’ we really mean ‘I think you are an idiot’. Do we indeed? I’m annoyed. Why won’t they leave us alone?
Harry Abrahams, Newbury
Dear Harry,
I couldn’t agree with you more. The internet chart first of all: whoever cooked it up must have an exceptionally vague acquaintance with the British. Many of the phrases supposedly in constant use have never been heard on our acreage: ‘I almost agree’; ‘That is a very brave proposal’; ‘Could we consider some other options?’
Options! This is management speak. Probably American. No proper British man or woman would go within a million miles of such a word. (Now I shall have to go through all my old columns and cross out this term, rather as Nancy Mitford hurriedly removed all the ‘mirrors’ and ‘mantelpieces’.)
If potential visitors to our country believe what they read, they’re going to be highly bewildered when they get here. Otherwise the chart gloriously misses the point. I can’t believe that other nationalities do not employ nuance and understatement. Have you visited many territories where people carry on as the ‘translations’ of British restraint and forbearance suggest? Where they say, ‘I think you’re an idiot’ or ‘what you’re saying is nonsense’?
There’s a smug undertow to this chart, which implies that we’re hypocrites and that it would be better if we spoke our minds.
That ‘I only have a few minor comments’ does not equal ‘please rewrite completely’ is measured by a simple test. Imagine you are the one being addressed. It might turn out that ‘I only have a few minor comments’ does not quite mean what it says but what would have been the impact on you of ‘please rewrite completely’? Fury and hysterics. Whereas the first, more stealthy approach, is much more likely to produce a happy rewrite.
As for the Russian model and heiress Katia Elizarova, her idea appears to be that British men have woefully bad manners because they fail to open doors and pay the bills for their womenfolk, and, if sharing with a girlfriend, demand half the rent. Mental. Why so many column inches devoted?
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO… ABOUT SETTING A CALLER ID
Did you hear comedian John Finnemore’s sketch on the subject recently on his Souvenir Programme on Radio 4? His friend phones, Finnemore expresses surprise and delight. Friend says, ‘But you’ve got my number stored. You knew it was me calling.’Finnemore says: ‘I remember a time before phones did that and it feels rude to admit I know who’s calling before they announce themselves.’ Roar of approval from audience.
Is he right? At times I feel anxious that someone will think I’m a stalker because I’ve stored their number or that the other person will be outraged that their number isn’t stored. My impression is that most people answer the phone in the manner of the precaller ID era – ie, they avoid the issue.
If the caller announces themselves, they don’t say, ‘I know it’s you.’ Nor does the caller quibble, ‘But you know it’s me. You’ve got my number stored.’ There’s a charm to this pretence that people seem to have arrived at without thinking about it very much.