I'm a WAG* and proud of it
Yes, I’m a WAG and I’m proud to admit it. That’s not the footballers’ wives and girlfriends variety I’m glad to say, but the new acronym for Women Ageing Gracefully, or trying as hard as we can, at least.
We know that young WAGs spend huge amounts of time and money burnishing up their appearance and having every beauty treatment going. But all the titivation they do is an option, really. They would probably look just as good, maybe even better, without it.
For us over-60s WAGs, by contrast, the arduous effort we put into looking good has become a daily, even hourly, necessity.
My own routine starts at 5.30 in the morning, when the alarm knocks me out of sleep, so that I can get to my weights class at the gym by 6.30. Just about all self-respecting WAGs have these ridiculously early starts; American Vogue editor Anna Wintour, 63, is, apparently, playing tennis at five every morning.
And I expect that, like me, she sails forth in full make-up even when it’s dark and nobody can see. Lying in bed is a luxury that we elderly WAGs can no longer allow ourselves. I know for a fact that if I miss a single day of my tough, early-morning class, I will instantly descend into flab. It’s only by the most extreme self-denial that it’s kept at bay anyway.
On getting back from the gym, there is no let-up. My first task is to check my diary to see which beauty treatments, or to put it more accurately, which aspects of essential maintenance work I have scheduled in for that day. Then I set out, putting myself through more bodywork than an F1 car. And don’t ask whether, after all that, I start first time. Y
ears ago, the novelist Nancy Mitford wrote that elegance was a full-time job, and I didn’t believe her. Now I often wonder whether there are enough hours in the day to fit in all the necessary procedures.
The daily regime starts with checking for stray hairs and any wrinkles, lines, moles or age spots that were definitely not present yesterday. In the old days I would just glance in the mirror to see that all was well. Now it takes a powerful combination of spectacles, magnifying mirror and magnifying glass in order simply to hunt down all these defects, never mind decide what to do about them.
When you’re a WAG, even putting on lipstick is no simple task. You want to look stylish and groomed, yet if you’re not careful, lipstick either slides right over your mouth, giving the appearance of a pantomime dame, or you get a thin red line, making you look mean and nasty. Constant application of lipstick is necessary.
Then there is the nightmare of older hair, which no longer looks good if left to its own devices. My hair was once thick, glossy and jet black; but now it’s thin, lank and grey. This means that I have to create the illusion of much younger hair, and that takes ages with a hairdryer, combs, rollers and spray. And then, the merest gust of wind or drizzle of rain will bring it back to reality.
Anybody glancing down at my hands will see that I have beautifully polished and manicured nails. They are not some bounteous, if unlikely, gift of nature but come courtesy of a wonderful team of Vietnamese nail technicians.
Next door to my nail salon is an eyebrow-threading shop. This treatment is new or, at least, it’s new to the high street and again, a timely boon to us WAGs. Eyebrows are perhaps the trickiest of facial features to keep looking young, but the eyebrow- threading technique is a marvellous new addition to our beauty arsenal because, along with all other elderly manifestations of unwanted hair, the more unsightly it is, the quicker it grows.
Liz Hodgkinson
I cannot bear looking at myself with white skin, so weekly sessions at the tanning salon are also a must. Yes, I know there have been many warnings against these tanning booths, but spray tans don’t last and they stain sheets and towels.
Yellow teeth are a ghastly giveaway – to do with the enamel wearing away – so tooth-whitening treatments, although painful and expensive, are also an essential aspect of the overall WAG mission to look good for as long as you can. We have to have white teeth because we have to smile all the time. We look too miserable otherwise.
Cosmetic surgery also eventually becomes unavoidable. I have had eye-bag removal and a neck lift at huge expense and discomfort and am now wondering about a tummy tuck. There comes a time when even 10,000 crunches are no longer enough to maintain that perfectly flat stomach, which is the aim of all WAGs, however achieved.
Do not ever be taken in.
It’s true, as you may have gathered by now, that my birthday suit has become by far my most expensive outfit, but clothes-wise, it’s not always clear what a true WAG should wear. They tell us leather trousers, miniskirts and tight tops are out if you’re over 59, but what, pray, is in? Black Call The Midwife-type lace-ups?
I used to pride myself on being up to date, even ahead, of trends. Now I have lost my way and rely on my 40-year-old fashionista daughter-in-law for advice. She gives me permission to wear leather, leggings and killer heels, pointing out that Yoko Ono wears all these at nearly 80, and looks fantastic.
Non-WAGs may not realise that in order to wear killer heels at parties and social events, I have to sneak a pair of flats in my handbag and change in the ladies’. Mind, I think we are all prone to such deceptions.
My grandmother was fond of saying that pride feels no pain. But she could never have imagined the pain and suffering that the average WAG of today has to go through in order to hear people say, quite spontaneously, ‘God, you look fantastic!’
If we do look fantastic in our 60s, it’s only because we pay ourselves the most obsessive, constant attention, not because nature has been uncharacteristically kind. Is it worth it? You bet!
Do you think it’s worth it? Let us know at the usual address, or send an email to letters@lady.co.uk
We know that young WAGs spend huge amounts of time and money burnishing up their appearance and having every beauty treatment going. But all the titivation they do is an option, really. They would probably look just as good, maybe even better, without it.
For us over-60s WAGs, by contrast, the arduous effort we put into looking good has become a daily, even hourly, necessity.
My own routine starts at 5.30 in the morning, when the alarm knocks me out of sleep, so that I can get to my weights class at the gym by 6.30. Just about all self-respecting WAGs have these ridiculously early starts; American Vogue editor Anna Wintour, 63, is, apparently, playing tennis at five every morning.
And I expect that, like me, she sails forth in full make-up even when it’s dark and nobody can see. Lying in bed is a luxury that we elderly WAGs can no longer allow ourselves. I know for a fact that if I miss a single day of my tough, early-morning class, I will instantly descend into flab. It’s only by the most extreme self-denial that it’s kept at bay anyway.
On getting back from the gym, there is no let-up. My first task is to check my diary to see which beauty treatments, or to put it more accurately, which aspects of essential maintenance work I have scheduled in for that day. Then I set out, putting myself through more bodywork than an F1 car. And don’t ask whether, after all that, I start first time. Y
ears ago, the novelist Nancy Mitford wrote that elegance was a full-time job, and I didn’t believe her. Now I often wonder whether there are enough hours in the day to fit in all the necessary procedures.
The daily regime starts with checking for stray hairs and any wrinkles, lines, moles or age spots that were definitely not present yesterday. In the old days I would just glance in the mirror to see that all was well. Now it takes a powerful combination of spectacles, magnifying mirror and magnifying glass in order simply to hunt down all these defects, never mind decide what to do about them.
When you’re a WAG, even putting on lipstick is no simple task. You want to look stylish and groomed, yet if you’re not careful, lipstick either slides right over your mouth, giving the appearance of a pantomime dame, or you get a thin red line, making you look mean and nasty. Constant application of lipstick is necessary.
Then there is the nightmare of older hair, which no longer looks good if left to its own devices. My hair was once thick, glossy and jet black; but now it’s thin, lank and grey. This means that I have to create the illusion of much younger hair, and that takes ages with a hairdryer, combs, rollers and spray. And then, the merest gust of wind or drizzle of rain will bring it back to reality.
VANITY FOR SURVIVAL
One might imagine that vanity is confined to the young. But the older I get the vainer I seem to become, trying to zap all the more unattractive aspects of ageing. I’m so vain I even put on full make-up when spending a day alone in front of the computer. Vanity, as I see it, has now become my survival kit.Anybody glancing down at my hands will see that I have beautifully polished and manicured nails. They are not some bounteous, if unlikely, gift of nature but come courtesy of a wonderful team of Vietnamese nail technicians.
Next door to my nail salon is an eyebrow-threading shop. This treatment is new or, at least, it’s new to the high street and again, a timely boon to us WAGs. Eyebrows are perhaps the trickiest of facial features to keep looking young, but the eyebrow- threading technique is a marvellous new addition to our beauty arsenal because, along with all other elderly manifestations of unwanted hair, the more unsightly it is, the quicker it grows.
Liz HodgkinsonI cannot bear looking at myself with white skin, so weekly sessions at the tanning salon are also a must. Yes, I know there have been many warnings against these tanning booths, but spray tans don’t last and they stain sheets and towels.
Yellow teeth are a ghastly giveaway – to do with the enamel wearing away – so tooth-whitening treatments, although painful and expensive, are also an essential aspect of the overall WAG mission to look good for as long as you can. We have to have white teeth because we have to smile all the time. We look too miserable otherwise.
Cosmetic surgery also eventually becomes unavoidable. I have had eye-bag removal and a neck lift at huge expense and discomfort and am now wondering about a tummy tuck. There comes a time when even 10,000 crunches are no longer enough to maintain that perfectly flat stomach, which is the aim of all WAGs, however achieved.
PRIDE FEELS NO PAIN?
All this effort that we WAGs put into ourselves behind the scenes is, of course, designed to give the impression that our polished, groomed looks are totally effortless and that we haven’t ever had any ‘work’ done. Many WAGs maintain – lying through their newly whitened teeth, of course – that their incredibly youthful appearance is all down to good genes and a healthy diet.Do not ever be taken in.
It’s true, as you may have gathered by now, that my birthday suit has become by far my most expensive outfit, but clothes-wise, it’s not always clear what a true WAG should wear. They tell us leather trousers, miniskirts and tight tops are out if you’re over 59, but what, pray, is in? Black Call The Midwife-type lace-ups?
I used to pride myself on being up to date, even ahead, of trends. Now I have lost my way and rely on my 40-year-old fashionista daughter-in-law for advice. She gives me permission to wear leather, leggings and killer heels, pointing out that Yoko Ono wears all these at nearly 80, and looks fantastic.
Non-WAGs may not realise that in order to wear killer heels at parties and social events, I have to sneak a pair of flats in my handbag and change in the ladies’. Mind, I think we are all prone to such deceptions.
My grandmother was fond of saying that pride feels no pain. But she could never have imagined the pain and suffering that the average WAG of today has to go through in order to hear people say, quite spontaneously, ‘God, you look fantastic!’
If we do look fantastic in our 60s, it’s only because we pay ourselves the most obsessive, constant attention, not because nature has been uncharacteristically kind. Is it worth it? You bet!
Do you think it’s worth it? Let us know at the usual address, or send an email to letters@lady.co.uk