The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 19 July
Dear Thomas,
The first sign of any decent weather and the neighbours throw open their windows and blast their music all over the shop. Or they have deafening parties in their garden. I feel helpless. Is there anything I can do?
Bonnie Whitelaw, Liverpool
Dear Bonnie,
I do sympathise. It isn’t just the disturbance that’s upsetting, it’s the apparent total lack of consideration and the unpredictability. How long is it going to go on for? If it stops, when will it start again? But there is a great deal you can do to relieve the situation, and ultimately the law will back you up.
In the first instance, try to approach the neighbours in question. It’s more than possible that they are blissfully unaware of how much distress they’re causing and very willing to make your life easier. After that, should there be any disturbance, you’re more likely to put up with it, or even not to notice, if you feel that the people next door are essentially friendly.
If you’re reluctant to approach them, you could try to enlist the support of others living nearby. This might lead to frustration though, because so many people, although annoyed, have the ‘better not get involved’ attitude. But more and more areas nowadays have a community or residents’ association full of dynamic (or interfering) persons anxious to be involved.
Some take the view that it’s your problem if you dislike their music. Or they accuse the complainer of infringing their rights. This is nonsense. Nobody has the right to disrupt your peace at home.
When a large garden party with loud music is planned, everyone living nearby should be warned about it well in advance, given the exact details of its intended duration, as well as an opportunity to object. It’s perhaps mean to object if this soothing courtesy has been extended.
Where the right values concerning particularly disruptive music do not reign, the best way to ensure that they do is through a residents’ association. Form one if none exists already.
Resort to the law only if you’re prepared to be patient. Do not call the police because they will only tell you to contact the Environmental Health Department of your local authority. Recently, I waited 10 minutes on the phone to raise my local authority at 11:30pm, only to be told that someone would call me back within two hours. Not helpful. Other boroughs have better services, but it always takes time to deal with serious o enders. You must keep a careful record of the noise nuisance and, for a case to be truly e ective, council o cers need to witness the racket themselves.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
Hordes forged even into the Queen’s bedroom and guzzled shamelessly at the free buffet in other rooms. But amongst the courtiers was a nearmad obsession with correct form. Newcomers had to grasp which type of nobility a person belonged to – old (and poor) or new (and rich) – and at what point in the family history one had stooped to marry the other.
Best of all was the ruthless system of individually tailored greetings for each lady of the court, to reflect her birth, her marriage and her table. Low birth, poor marriage, bad cook – a barely perceptible movement of the shoulder sufficed; but a deep curtsey for a Duchess with a good cook.
Such a case for reviving all this: comforting to know what our guests really think of our dinners; comforting to know where we really stand.
The first sign of any decent weather and the neighbours throw open their windows and blast their music all over the shop. Or they have deafening parties in their garden. I feel helpless. Is there anything I can do?
Bonnie Whitelaw, Liverpool
Dear Bonnie,
I do sympathise. It isn’t just the disturbance that’s upsetting, it’s the apparent total lack of consideration and the unpredictability. How long is it going to go on for? If it stops, when will it start again? But there is a great deal you can do to relieve the situation, and ultimately the law will back you up.
In the first instance, try to approach the neighbours in question. It’s more than possible that they are blissfully unaware of how much distress they’re causing and very willing to make your life easier. After that, should there be any disturbance, you’re more likely to put up with it, or even not to notice, if you feel that the people next door are essentially friendly.
If you’re reluctant to approach them, you could try to enlist the support of others living nearby. This might lead to frustration though, because so many people, although annoyed, have the ‘better not get involved’ attitude. But more and more areas nowadays have a community or residents’ association full of dynamic (or interfering) persons anxious to be involved.
Some take the view that it’s your problem if you dislike their music. Or they accuse the complainer of infringing their rights. This is nonsense. Nobody has the right to disrupt your peace at home.
When a large garden party with loud music is planned, everyone living nearby should be warned about it well in advance, given the exact details of its intended duration, as well as an opportunity to object. It’s perhaps mean to object if this soothing courtesy has been extended.
Where the right values concerning particularly disruptive music do not reign, the best way to ensure that they do is through a residents’ association. Form one if none exists already.
Resort to the law only if you’re prepared to be patient. Do not call the police because they will only tell you to contact the Environmental Health Department of your local authority. Recently, I waited 10 minutes on the phone to raise my local authority at 11:30pm, only to be told that someone would call me back within two hours. Not helpful. Other boroughs have better services, but it always takes time to deal with serious o enders. You must keep a careful record of the noise nuisance and, for a case to be truly e ective, council o cers need to witness the racket themselves.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO… ON GREETING DINNER GUESTS
Recently, I stumbled across Nancy Mitford’s life of Madame de Pompadour. Fascinating insights into the etiquette of 18th-century Versailles. Balls were free for all, provided you were properly dressed.Hordes forged even into the Queen’s bedroom and guzzled shamelessly at the free buffet in other rooms. But amongst the courtiers was a nearmad obsession with correct form. Newcomers had to grasp which type of nobility a person belonged to – old (and poor) or new (and rich) – and at what point in the family history one had stooped to marry the other.
Best of all was the ruthless system of individually tailored greetings for each lady of the court, to reflect her birth, her marriage and her table. Low birth, poor marriage, bad cook – a barely perceptible movement of the shoulder sufficed; but a deep curtsey for a Duchess with a good cook.
Such a case for reviving all this: comforting to know what our guests really think of our dinners; comforting to know where we really stand.