The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 2 August
Dear Thomas,
So they’re going to allow mobile phones on planes. Appalling. As if that’s not enough, I hear that roaming charges for using the wretched things abroad are to be reduced. Is there any hope of having a holiday in peace this year?
By the way, three cheers to the Sainsbury’s check out person who refused to serve the customer nattering on her phone.
Agnes Garcia, Newbury
Dear Agnes,
I agree, it’s depressing to walk into an outdoor restaurant beside the Mediterranean only to find some loud Brit on the phone to his plumber back home in Surrey.
Phones drain the romance, the sense of something other, from your holiday. People ought to be more sensitive to the dent in the peaceful holiday atmosphere they make.
I’m with you, as well, re: the Sainsbury’s checkout drama. Even if the caller in such circs bothers to acknowledge the shop worker, it’s ridiculous from all points of view: person on other end of phone inconvenienced, person phoning can’t really manage packing of shopping, payment, change, etc. Others in queue held up. No, no, no.
In restaurants, at dinner parties, parties, weddings, funerals, in bars and pubs the rules are clear: don’t take that call. Don’t make one either. If you must, do it out of sight.
Otherwise, if using your phone in public, there’s no need to shout. Talk at a normal conversational level on train or bus.
But do you have to be on your phone, or even using it, if it’s a smartphone, for googling, emailing, checking the stock market, quite as much as you are? It isn’t just conversations that intrude. After a powerful and moving play, how depressing that half the audience has to fire up their phones to check for messages the minute it’s over.
Check the phone, check, check. We don’t seem to be able to leave them alone. It’s the neurosis of the age. I’m as bad as the next person. ‘It can wait’ are words we don’t dare to utter. A small amount of googling on smartphones may be justified at dinner – as an aide-memoire, to unearth facts that otherwise allude you. But once you’ve done that, put it away or before you know it, you’ll be showing your dining companion all your photos. Resist the temptation to look at emails just because there’s a lull while half your group have gone off to the loo. Make the most of the people who are actually there. Don’t always be looking for the next thing.
For your own sake as much as for that of people around you, restrain your mobile phone use. Otherwise you’ll end up a twitching addict.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
This actually happened at an upmarket retirement complex in Florida. The people whose bathroom was on view were not generally liked. Nevertheless, thinking to be kind, the embarrassed neighbour plucked up the courage to raise the subject: ‘Mind your own business,’ she was told.
Whether they ever got a blind, history does not relate. Generally it might be best, should the solution of just not looking or obscuring the window that gives the view be unsatisfactory, to avoid direct mention of the subject.
Try engaging the cruelly exposed neighbour in extensive discussion of blinds or nets. Say you’re anxious that people might be able to see into your bathroom. You’re scurrying off to John Lewis this instant… Maybe the penny will drop. Even though your neighbours know you know, mentioning nothing makes it easier to overlook the uncomfortable knowledge.
So they’re going to allow mobile phones on planes. Appalling. As if that’s not enough, I hear that roaming charges for using the wretched things abroad are to be reduced. Is there any hope of having a holiday in peace this year?
By the way, three cheers to the Sainsbury’s check out person who refused to serve the customer nattering on her phone.
Agnes Garcia, Newbury
Dear Agnes,
I agree, it’s depressing to walk into an outdoor restaurant beside the Mediterranean only to find some loud Brit on the phone to his plumber back home in Surrey.
Phones drain the romance, the sense of something other, from your holiday. People ought to be more sensitive to the dent in the peaceful holiday atmosphere they make.
I’m with you, as well, re: the Sainsbury’s checkout drama. Even if the caller in such circs bothers to acknowledge the shop worker, it’s ridiculous from all points of view: person on other end of phone inconvenienced, person phoning can’t really manage packing of shopping, payment, change, etc. Others in queue held up. No, no, no.
In restaurants, at dinner parties, parties, weddings, funerals, in bars and pubs the rules are clear: don’t take that call. Don’t make one either. If you must, do it out of sight.
Otherwise, if using your phone in public, there’s no need to shout. Talk at a normal conversational level on train or bus.
But do you have to be on your phone, or even using it, if it’s a smartphone, for googling, emailing, checking the stock market, quite as much as you are? It isn’t just conversations that intrude. After a powerful and moving play, how depressing that half the audience has to fire up their phones to check for messages the minute it’s over.
Check the phone, check, check. We don’t seem to be able to leave them alone. It’s the neurosis of the age. I’m as bad as the next person. ‘It can wait’ are words we don’t dare to utter. A small amount of googling on smartphones may be justified at dinner – as an aide-memoire, to unearth facts that otherwise allude you. But once you’ve done that, put it away or before you know it, you’ll be showing your dining companion all your photos. Resist the temptation to look at emails just because there’s a lull while half your group have gone off to the loo. Make the most of the people who are actually there. Don’t always be looking for the next thing.
For your own sake as much as for that of people around you, restrain your mobile phone use. Otherwise you’ll end up a twitching addict.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO… IF TOO MUCH IS REVEALED
Your windows might be positioned just so. You can see into your neighbours’ bathroom. They don’t have a blind for some reason or frosted glass.This actually happened at an upmarket retirement complex in Florida. The people whose bathroom was on view were not generally liked. Nevertheless, thinking to be kind, the embarrassed neighbour plucked up the courage to raise the subject: ‘Mind your own business,’ she was told.
Whether they ever got a blind, history does not relate. Generally it might be best, should the solution of just not looking or obscuring the window that gives the view be unsatisfactory, to avoid direct mention of the subject.
Try engaging the cruelly exposed neighbour in extensive discussion of blinds or nets. Say you’re anxious that people might be able to see into your bathroom. You’re scurrying off to John Lewis this instant… Maybe the penny will drop. Even though your neighbours know you know, mentioning nothing makes it easier to overlook the uncomfortable knowledge.