Dear Patricia Marie
My best friend and I are both expecting our first born babies, due in November. I told her the name choices I wanted for my baby many weeks ago, and to my horror she has now informed me that she is going to use them herself. I am furious and instead of enjoying our time being pregnant together, I cannot even face seeing her at the moment. How best should I handle this sensitive situation.
Patricia says....
When you invest time and dreams into the names you want for your baby, its easy to feel you 'own' them. However, it's not worth the stress of being sad that your name choices have been taken, albeit by your best friend, because the reality is as much as we think we are entitled, we really don't have any claims on babies names. Your feelings of anger, disappointment and frustration are understandable. And yet, not very useful, as I feel you need to be focusing your energies on deciding what you want to do about 'your' child's name, which is far more important.
I would never advise upsetting anyone in the final stages of pregnancy, therefore, if you really do find it difficult to let go and need to confront your friend, do so gently. Explain how upset and hurt you are and that you trusted her by disclosing such significant personal information. Clearing the air can sometimes ease the tension. Then move on. Try to change your negative thoughts to more positive ones. Think of your friend wanting your name choice as a huge compliment. Then start to look forward to sharing the precious moments motherhood brings, as well as embracing the support and guidance you can receive from each other once those 'bundles of fun' arrive.
If you really love the name and want to keep it, then do just that. It really doesn't matter who has used the name or who will in the future. You'll always remember why you chose it and what it means to you. Finally, take comfort in the fact that anyone who has the creativity to come up with one great name, has the ability to come up with another, and you may just surprise yourself and actually prefer the new one. Just be sure to keep it a secret!
Patricia Marie, our Agony Aunt, wants to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quarrels. Just email them to patricia.marie@lady.co.uk