The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 21 February
Dear Thomas,
A ‘friend’ of mine used a house sitter to look after her dog while she was away. I met the lady when I was walking my dog and she indicated that she would be happy to do the same for me so I asked for her details. When I asked the ‘friend’ if she minded she objected very strongly and told me to find my own house sitter. Who is at fault?
Susan Hitchens, Lewes
Dear Susan,
It sounds as if this house sitter is a treasure beyond compare. Plainly you must have her. Your ‘friend’ is behaving like Bertie Wooster’s Aunt Dahlia on those frequent occasions when some low lady was trying to poach her chef, Anatole.
Presumably this house sitter advertises her services and is in need of a good selection of clients. You would think that your rival would be pleased to help her find work even if just for the sel sh reason that she would be of little use if she went out of business. Nor can your acquaintance seriously be in need of someone to look after her dog the entire time.
Even though there could be no guarantee that this particular person would be available at any given date anyway, if your ‘friend’ had been less snappy in her response you could have agreed that she had first call if both of you happened to want your dogs tended at the same time. Or even, perhaps, that she could sit both dogs simultaneously – and charge less.
But no – some people are jealous and possessive by nature. They don’t want anyone to meet their friends, or their trades people, for fear they’ll make o with them. There must have been a wound in childhood, a deep sense of unworthiness and terrible dread. If things are not ordered exactly so, then the world will end.
I think you did the right thing by asking your ‘friend’, merely as a courtesy, if she minded, but her brutal response is enough to drive a person to subterfuge. In future, best to say nothing, just pretend you found the person in – ha ha – the Yellow Pages or The Lady.
Well, I don’t want to encourage lying. Besides, it’s too late. I would have another go with this individual, who is being just a weeny bit irrational. Try to reason with her. Soothe. Tell her: ‘Of course you have first call. I wouldn’t dream of interfering with your arrangements.’
Suggest it might be beneficial for the dog carer to operate in the same neighbourhood. So good for the dogs when their stand-in mistress is familiar with the best walks, best supply of sticks to throw, best swimming opportunities, best rabbits to chase, etc. Better also that the house sitter knows someone nearby to call on in an emergency, such as the dog food running out.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
I hope you know what an amusebouche is: an amazingly complicated canapé-type of mouthful, such as carpaccio of tuna, enoki, soy and mirin. Or a smoked salmon, shallot, parsley and caper cone. This is advanced cooking; Pringles are no longer good enough, there must be something fiddly and expensive, preferably involving smoked salmon, that you’ve made yourself. Amuse-bouches, offered with drinks before going to the table, should be a substitute for a course. Too often the bouche is so amused it can take no more. Once, dining in a Michelin twostar in Burgundy, after two ABs (not ordered), my mother said, ‘This much would normally be my supper.’ Really, I’m against the whole thing. Please don’t be ashamed of your bought-in cocktail gherkins and crisps to go with pre-dinner drinks. As Granny used to say, ‘After two World Wars, guests are lucky to have anything at all.’
A ‘friend’ of mine used a house sitter to look after her dog while she was away. I met the lady when I was walking my dog and she indicated that she would be happy to do the same for me so I asked for her details. When I asked the ‘friend’ if she minded she objected very strongly and told me to find my own house sitter. Who is at fault?
Susan Hitchens, Lewes
Dear Susan,
It sounds as if this house sitter is a treasure beyond compare. Plainly you must have her. Your ‘friend’ is behaving like Bertie Wooster’s Aunt Dahlia on those frequent occasions when some low lady was trying to poach her chef, Anatole.
Presumably this house sitter advertises her services and is in need of a good selection of clients. You would think that your rival would be pleased to help her find work even if just for the sel sh reason that she would be of little use if she went out of business. Nor can your acquaintance seriously be in need of someone to look after her dog the entire time.
Even though there could be no guarantee that this particular person would be available at any given date anyway, if your ‘friend’ had been less snappy in her response you could have agreed that she had first call if both of you happened to want your dogs tended at the same time. Or even, perhaps, that she could sit both dogs simultaneously – and charge less.
But no – some people are jealous and possessive by nature. They don’t want anyone to meet their friends, or their trades people, for fear they’ll make o with them. There must have been a wound in childhood, a deep sense of unworthiness and terrible dread. If things are not ordered exactly so, then the world will end.
I think you did the right thing by asking your ‘friend’, merely as a courtesy, if she minded, but her brutal response is enough to drive a person to subterfuge. In future, best to say nothing, just pretend you found the person in – ha ha – the Yellow Pages or The Lady.
Well, I don’t want to encourage lying. Besides, it’s too late. I would have another go with this individual, who is being just a weeny bit irrational. Try to reason with her. Soothe. Tell her: ‘Of course you have first call. I wouldn’t dream of interfering with your arrangements.’
Suggest it might be beneficial for the dog carer to operate in the same neighbourhood. So good for the dogs when their stand-in mistress is familiar with the best walks, best supply of sticks to throw, best swimming opportunities, best rabbits to chase, etc. Better also that the house sitter knows someone nearby to call on in an emergency, such as the dog food running out.
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO ABOUT… NIBBLES BEFORE DINNER
My revered correspondent asks: ‘When having a dinner at home, are amusebouches better served while guests are having drinks or when seated at table?’I hope you know what an amusebouche is: an amazingly complicated canapé-type of mouthful, such as carpaccio of tuna, enoki, soy and mirin. Or a smoked salmon, shallot, parsley and caper cone. This is advanced cooking; Pringles are no longer good enough, there must be something fiddly and expensive, preferably involving smoked salmon, that you’ve made yourself. Amuse-bouches, offered with drinks before going to the table, should be a substitute for a course. Too often the bouche is so amused it can take no more. Once, dining in a Michelin twostar in Burgundy, after two ABs (not ordered), my mother said, ‘This much would normally be my supper.’ Really, I’m against the whole thing. Please don’t be ashamed of your bought-in cocktail gherkins and crisps to go with pre-dinner drinks. As Granny used to say, ‘After two World Wars, guests are lucky to have anything at all.’