The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 30 May
Dear Thomas,
Jettisoned by my husband after 30 years of marriage, I was prepared to take my place on the shelf for good. I’m 58 after all. Until, that is, various friends started encouraging me to try online dating. But I’m not sure. Isn’t it all rather shameful? As well as hopeless. Besides, how do you get into a conversation in cyberspace?
Name and address supplied
Dear Anon,
First of all – no shame. Everybody’s doing it nowadays. As for hopeless, well, don’t be put off by the articles that appear in whatever publication on a regular basis making out that internet dating is a waste of time. Of course a lot of men on dating websites are already married and only after one thing. Or they exist solely as a wildly attractive photograph. Or are wretchedly inadequate. What do you expect?
Also, it’s often said that older men, being outnumbered by women in later life, call the shots in cyber dating and anyway only want younger wares. I don’t believe this. What about the 80 per cent of widowers who remarry after three years of bereavement? They’re not all yoked to half-baked dollies of 20.
The crucial question to ask yourself is: do I really want a relationship? Many bemoan their single state and the dismal selection of partners on offer. But the truth, all too often, is that they don’t really want to be with anyone. You might find that the single existence has its delights. Or you might decide to make a change and go for younger men. Why not try www.toyboywarehouse.com – it really exists.
Once launched with your arresting, non-needy profile (interests: piano-tuning and Alsatian dog training), you enter challenging unknown territory. Men contact you, but how to be alluring by email? It’s years since you were dating. You feel lonely and vulnerable. Whatever you do, don’t let that show. No romantic fantasies of being curled up in a remote log cabin, either. He won’t like it. Try to be breezy and natural. Avoid criticising others. Don’t boast of your physical splendour but avoid false modesty. Hint at your magnificence of leg. ‘I’m this sort of person or that sort of person,’ sounds too programmatic, even demanding. Don’t forget to notice: is he listening? Is he revealing anything about himself?
Romance flourishes most prolifically in the workplace, in other words when people are preoccupied with something else. If you meet up (do so safely and be cautious about giving out even your mobile number), it might be better to plan an activity rather than staring at each other in a coffee shop. Why not visit an art gallery, stately home, cathedral or clock golf course? Happy romance!
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
Jettisoned by my husband after 30 years of marriage, I was prepared to take my place on the shelf for good. I’m 58 after all. Until, that is, various friends started encouraging me to try online dating. But I’m not sure. Isn’t it all rather shameful? As well as hopeless. Besides, how do you get into a conversation in cyberspace?
Name and address supplied
Dear Anon,
First of all – no shame. Everybody’s doing it nowadays. As for hopeless, well, don’t be put off by the articles that appear in whatever publication on a regular basis making out that internet dating is a waste of time. Of course a lot of men on dating websites are already married and only after one thing. Or they exist solely as a wildly attractive photograph. Or are wretchedly inadequate. What do you expect?
Also, it’s often said that older men, being outnumbered by women in later life, call the shots in cyber dating and anyway only want younger wares. I don’t believe this. What about the 80 per cent of widowers who remarry after three years of bereavement? They’re not all yoked to half-baked dollies of 20.
The crucial question to ask yourself is: do I really want a relationship? Many bemoan their single state and the dismal selection of partners on offer. But the truth, all too often, is that they don’t really want to be with anyone. You might find that the single existence has its delights. Or you might decide to make a change and go for younger men. Why not try www.toyboywarehouse.com – it really exists.
Once launched with your arresting, non-needy profile (interests: piano-tuning and Alsatian dog training), you enter challenging unknown territory. Men contact you, but how to be alluring by email? It’s years since you were dating. You feel lonely and vulnerable. Whatever you do, don’t let that show. No romantic fantasies of being curled up in a remote log cabin, either. He won’t like it. Try to be breezy and natural. Avoid criticising others. Don’t boast of your physical splendour but avoid false modesty. Hint at your magnificence of leg. ‘I’m this sort of person or that sort of person,’ sounds too programmatic, even demanding. Don’t forget to notice: is he listening? Is he revealing anything about himself?
Romance flourishes most prolifically in the workplace, in other words when people are preoccupied with something else. If you meet up (do so safely and be cautious about giving out even your mobile number), it might be better to plan an activity rather than staring at each other in a coffee shop. Why not visit an art gallery, stately home, cathedral or clock golf course? Happy romance!
Please send your questions to Thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER