The Lady Guide to Modern Manners: 14 August
Dear Thomas,
A friend has just been promoted to a senior position in one of the major department stores. I’m dying to find out what salary or ‘compensation’ as the Americans call it, she’ll be getting. How do I go about it?
Gwyneth Murray, London
Dear Gwyneth,
Many will find your honesty refreshing. But many won’t. Money, and least of all salaries, are supposed never to be discussed. In the 2004 film The Aviator, about the life of Howard Hughes, Katharine Hepburn’s mother said haughtily to HH, ‘We never talk about money.’ This was in response to some bragging of his about how he was raking it in. He was having an affair with her daughter at the time. He replied, ‘You can afford not to.’ The Hepburns were grand old money, you see.
Anxiety about money, provoking feverish curiosity about how much other people have got, is a sign of being nouveau or jumped up or just plain poor, so the thinking goes. This is the origin of the taboo against discussing money and enquiring into what people earn, or part of it. Money also provokes anxiety, competitiveness and irrational feelings. It can ruin the evening if you find out that your companions are twice as rich as you.
So, it seems to have been decided, that the subject of money, and especially earnings, are best avoided. Except that it’s impossible to meet someone for more than five minutes and not be aware at some level or other, however dim, of how much money they’ve got.
People often mention what they paid for their house or flat, what car they’ve got, where they buy their clothes, what job they do, where they go on holiday, how expensive everything is, how little money they’ve got. We rather hope that the immensely rich will hold back a bit or say, ‘we won the cruise in a competition’, even if they didn’t.
I understand your curiosity about your friend’s new salary but there’s a thin line that mustn’t be crossed between wanting to know about people (and money’s a part of that, we have to be honest) and being eaten up with corrosive envy, judging people by earning power and wanting to know them just because they’re rich. You’re never going to find out the exact amount your friend earns. To ask directly would be outrageously bald and blunt. We already know enough about what people earn in general. It’s just common sense.
We know what the prime minister earns. Civil servants’ salaries are published for all to see. You can easily find out what archbishops are paid, if you require.
Please send your questions to thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
Subsequently, I discover that this clip has had 8 million views on YouTube. Also there is a longer version of it showing Schismenos’s initial assault on Munoz, which I did not see at first. From one viewing, which is all most of those eight million will bother with, Munoz emerges as the innocent victim. But this footage appears to be taken by him. Essentially it’s his side of the story. There are unanswered questions. Crucially what provoked the attack? Did Munoz break the law as Schismenos claimed? How serious is the assault? Isn’t Schismenos pointlessly punching the biker’s helmet? Of course physical violence is wrong but the police took no action. Does Schismenos have to suffer in internet hell forever? What kind of justice is this?
A friend has just been promoted to a senior position in one of the major department stores. I’m dying to find out what salary or ‘compensation’ as the Americans call it, she’ll be getting. How do I go about it?
Gwyneth Murray, London
Dear Gwyneth,
Many will find your honesty refreshing. But many won’t. Money, and least of all salaries, are supposed never to be discussed. In the 2004 film The Aviator, about the life of Howard Hughes, Katharine Hepburn’s mother said haughtily to HH, ‘We never talk about money.’ This was in response to some bragging of his about how he was raking it in. He was having an affair with her daughter at the time. He replied, ‘You can afford not to.’ The Hepburns were grand old money, you see.
Anxiety about money, provoking feverish curiosity about how much other people have got, is a sign of being nouveau or jumped up or just plain poor, so the thinking goes. This is the origin of the taboo against discussing money and enquiring into what people earn, or part of it. Money also provokes anxiety, competitiveness and irrational feelings. It can ruin the evening if you find out that your companions are twice as rich as you.
So, it seems to have been decided, that the subject of money, and especially earnings, are best avoided. Except that it’s impossible to meet someone for more than five minutes and not be aware at some level or other, however dim, of how much money they’ve got.
People often mention what they paid for their house or flat, what car they’ve got, where they buy their clothes, what job they do, where they go on holiday, how expensive everything is, how little money they’ve got. We rather hope that the immensely rich will hold back a bit or say, ‘we won the cruise in a competition’, even if they didn’t.
I understand your curiosity about your friend’s new salary but there’s a thin line that mustn’t be crossed between wanting to know about people (and money’s a part of that, we have to be honest) and being eaten up with corrosive envy, judging people by earning power and wanting to know them just because they’re rich. You’re never going to find out the exact amount your friend earns. To ask directly would be outrageously bald and blunt. We already know enough about what people earn in general. It’s just common sense.
We know what the prime minister earns. Civil servants’ salaries are published for all to see. You can easily find out what archbishops are paid, if you require.
Please send your questions to thomas.blaikie@lady.co.uk or write to him at The Lady, 39-40 Bedford Street, London WC2E 9ER
WHAT TO DO ABOUT… ONLINE VIDEO CLIPS
Recently a friend posted a link to a video clip of a road-rage incident in Arizona in which an apparently heroic motorcyclist, 24-year-old Cody Munoz, tames, by pinning him to the ground, an out-of-control motorist who has leapt from his car to shout at him. The motorist, Lee Schismenos, seems at first frightened and then possibly repentant.Subsequently, I discover that this clip has had 8 million views on YouTube. Also there is a longer version of it showing Schismenos’s initial assault on Munoz, which I did not see at first. From one viewing, which is all most of those eight million will bother with, Munoz emerges as the innocent victim. But this footage appears to be taken by him. Essentially it’s his side of the story. There are unanswered questions. Crucially what provoked the attack? Did Munoz break the law as Schismenos claimed? How serious is the assault? Isn’t Schismenos pointlessly punching the biker’s helmet? Of course physical violence is wrong but the police took no action. Does Schismenos have to suffer in internet hell forever? What kind of justice is this?