The Returned

The Returned (Channel 4, Sunday) is one of the most astronomically weird and arresting and ‘check the back door twice’ spooky television shows that it has been my pleasure to tell you about.

A French import, it tells the story of an isolated mountain village where the dead come back to life. Not as zombies, vampires or other standard fictional ghouls: they return in an entirely matter of fact manner.

It’s the sheer offkilter normality of the situation that will have you leaving the landing light on for a couple of nights after you’ve seen it. The returning dead are accompanied by other, smaller, mysteries. Inexplicable power cuts and disturbances in the lake. There is an engrossing puzzle to be solved here and at the end of episode one I can’t pretend to be anywhere near understanding it. But I know I will be staying with this one: The Returned is thoroughly addictive.

The air of terror is enhanced by a brooding underscore composed by Scottish experimentalists Mogwai. It’s like a great lost Pink Floyd record – all nightmare drones, deserted dancehall piano and ‘what was that?’ squeaks.

It is set ‘now’ but there is something about the atmosphere and the set dressing that puts me in mind of the mid 1970s. It might just be that everything’s brown. Or perhaps it’s just the way the lights keep going out. The Returned is also a great chance to practise your French. Few of us studied Norwegian or Swedish at school, so while those Scandinavian detective shows are all very gripping, there’s no great linguistic payoff. Chances are you did take at least a couple of years of French and it’s astounding how quickly the forgotten language comes back from the dead when the dialogue is supported by subtitles popping up helpfully at the bottom of the screen.

I can’t quite understand why this one’s being shown in the dog days of summer. It is perfect long winter night TV. Still, best watch it straight away. There’s bound to be an inferior US remake along next year. Imagine all the fun you’ll have swanking about having seen the original.

The following night sees another potential hit for Channel 4. Dates is a series of selfcontained plays about a first date. Each effectively a twohander, they cover the gamut of romantic possibilities, from love at first sight to blistering rows.

In the first one, Will Mellor and Oona Chaplin are a somewhat mismatched couple on an internet blind date. To say that their incompatibility leads to friction is something of an understatement. I didn’t care for Ms Chaplin’s character much but you can understand why Will sticks around until the end.

If you’ve ever sneakily eavesdropped on another couple in a restaurant, this drily funny bit of grownup entertainment is for you.