Vote VG Lee!
Anyone who promotes the virtues of an elasticated waistband surely deserves a seat in high office; or at least a small perch on the local council. Sadly, the world of politics is a much lesscolourful place.
Next week sees the biennial re-shuffle for seats at the Town Hall, with the three main parties represented, along with the man from UKIP. All seem keen on making a difference to the lives of those living in their potential constituency – although it would be a rather peculiar candidate who suggested that they were intending to make things a lot trickier for the ratepayers.
Hobbies seem to feature heavily in their respective sales pitches, with Peter Pragnell, the Conservative chap, explaining that he supports Charlton Athletic, the local team, and is a dedicated ‘quizzer’. Good news for those locals who are expecting answers.
Paul Burton, the Liberal Democrat hope, is devoted to fighting waste – an admirable cause, although rather bad news for the seagulls who have grown very partial to the half-eaten takeaways that decorate the promenade after a sunny weekend.
Stuart Murphy from Labour plans to ensure that no more services are taken away from the Conquest Hospital, while attempting to fix the broken pavements and roads.
It is of course possible that Doug Thorogood from UKIP is a champion knitter or perhaps a devoted sunflower grower, but sadly, his USP appears not to be immediately available to the casual browser. Whatever their unique appeal, I feel certain that none would come as close as an ambassador for the people of Hastings as our own adorable VG Lee, esteemed writer of this parish and resident of the old town.
Her qualifications for the job are impeccable. Besides her devotion to elastic waistbands, she is a firstclass fiction writer and a stand-up comedian – two talents that are surely a must for any burgeoning politician? As for her hobbies, where do I start? She is about to appear in her very own one-woman play, Lady Of The Wild West Hill!, at the Brighton Fringe next month, and yet she still has time to keep the weeds down at her allotment – her gardening cohort Ted is available for press comment.
Eschewing the usual manifesto promises, VG Lee suggests that all roundabouts and grass verges be developed into wildflower areas, and that during the summer, all visible underwear should be decent and a pleasure to look at – with a 50p charity spot fine for truly dreadful transgressors. Surely a policy with nationwide appeal.
Next week: Astroturf…
Next week sees the biennial re-shuffle for seats at the Town Hall, with the three main parties represented, along with the man from UKIP. All seem keen on making a difference to the lives of those living in their potential constituency – although it would be a rather peculiar candidate who suggested that they were intending to make things a lot trickier for the ratepayers.
Hobbies seem to feature heavily in their respective sales pitches, with Peter Pragnell, the Conservative chap, explaining that he supports Charlton Athletic, the local team, and is a dedicated ‘quizzer’. Good news for those locals who are expecting answers.
Paul Burton, the Liberal Democrat hope, is devoted to fighting waste – an admirable cause, although rather bad news for the seagulls who have grown very partial to the half-eaten takeaways that decorate the promenade after a sunny weekend.
Stuart Murphy from Labour plans to ensure that no more services are taken away from the Conquest Hospital, while attempting to fix the broken pavements and roads.
It is of course possible that Doug Thorogood from UKIP is a champion knitter or perhaps a devoted sunflower grower, but sadly, his USP appears not to be immediately available to the casual browser. Whatever their unique appeal, I feel certain that none would come as close as an ambassador for the people of Hastings as our own adorable VG Lee, esteemed writer of this parish and resident of the old town.
Her qualifications for the job are impeccable. Besides her devotion to elastic waistbands, she is a firstclass fiction writer and a stand-up comedian – two talents that are surely a must for any burgeoning politician? As for her hobbies, where do I start? She is about to appear in her very own one-woman play, Lady Of The Wild West Hill!, at the Brighton Fringe next month, and yet she still has time to keep the weeds down at her allotment – her gardening cohort Ted is available for press comment.
Eschewing the usual manifesto promises, VG Lee suggests that all roundabouts and grass verges be developed into wildflower areas, and that during the summer, all visible underwear should be decent and a pleasure to look at – with a 50p charity spot fine for truly dreadful transgressors. Surely a policy with nationwide appeal.
Next week: Astroturf…